Paperweight

Chapter 5

Santana groans, and lets her head drop into her hands.

She is so utterly fucked it's almost a joke. Like, if this were happening to anyone else, literally anyone else on the planet, even Quinn or Kurt, Santana would make fun of them, laugh at them, and then probably insult them.

But of course, it's happening to her.

She is the one who cannot stop thinking about Brittany.

It's been a week since their little late night rendezvous in the photography department, and Santana has been going steadily insane as each day passes. Every time she sees Brittany at the studio, Brittany's whole face lights up as she shoots a smile at Santana, and she melts just a little bit more. Each time they happen to be in the elevator together, Brittany "accidentally" brushes against Santana on her way out, leaving Santana with the memory of her perfume to drive her crazy the rest of the day.

Of the four times they've been at Starbucks at the same time before getting to the studio, Brittany has insisted on paying for Santana's coffee three of them. The only reason Santana managed to pay for their coffee the fourth time is because Ryder asked Brittany if she wanted anything from the pastry counter, and Santana thrust a handful of dollars at him while Brittany was suitably distracted by the colorful donut section. The soft smile she'd given Santana when she realized the Latina had bought her drink was that one where she met Santana's eye and slowly let the corners of her lips tug up. More specifically, the smile that made Santana's heart start thumping erratically in her chest.

God, Santana is starting to recognize the different types of Brittany's smiles.

Ridiculous.

Santana doesn't really know how to deal with the fact she likes, like, likes, Brittany.

Obviously it's not about Brittany being a girl, Santana's known she was gay since she was 15, and despite the incident that revealed her sexuality to the entire school, she's not ashamed of who she is.

It's not about Santana being her superior either, because as long as Brittany is an employee of Lopez-Fabray Design, Santana isn't even going to do anything about her irritatingly persistent feelings. She doesn't want Brittany thinking she's some kind of creepy sexual predator. She doesn't really want to think about what would happen if Brittany's the one who initiates something.

Santana decides it's the depth of her feelings for Brittany that probably scares her most. She can't even begin to try and deny that she has feelings beyond friendship for Brittany, because last Monday night, it was really just a harmless crush, and an undeniable lust for Brittany, but now, it's real, genuine, I-want-to-date-you feelings. Santana could almost feel the shift between crush and feelings during that night when Brittany was animatedly telling Santana about her favorite photo she'd ever taken.

It would be so much easier to deal with if Brittany wasn't so god damn perfect.

Santana would be fine with just knowing the basic details about Brittany; that she's 23, grew up in San Francisco, moved to Los Angeles to attend UCLA and then moved to New York after graduating.

She could probably deal with knowing regular things like her favorite color, (I told you in my interview San, I don't like picking favorites… But the other colors understand if I like blue just a bit more.) or her favorite animal (Feeding the ducks is probably what I miss the most about San Francisco. There was a park with a duck pond beside my house and my sister and I used to go to feed them every Saturday morning. They're my favorite animal cause they remind me of her.) but knowing the little things about Brittany are a bit too far into I-have-a-hopeless-crush-on-you for Santana to be entirely comfortable with.