A Rose by Any Other Name

Chapter 32

Writer's Note- Remember to vote and Merry Christmas to anyone who celebrates. Happy holidays to most.

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"I don't know, Ky." After my shift had ended at the tattoo shop I'd scheduled an emergency session with Ky and he said he was free. Since I'd said it was an emergency he was checking my vitals to be sure my magic was stable.

I mean, it felt stable to me. I'd been doing the exercises, reading the fucking book, and painting if things got bad. Well, things were pretty bad, I guess. I'd had to tell Ky about everything that happened with Mike. I didn't want Ky to think Mike wasn't a good person but I secretly expected some judgment from him. Except Ky only listened quietly, never interrupting and prodding me to continue when I lapsed into silence.

Afterwards, he'd asked me one question. "And how does that make you feel?" His face was hard to read, his hair curled behind his ears today, one too many buttons opened down his shirt, with a startling amount of chest hair on display.

"I don't know, Ky." I said, slipping my shoes off and hugging my knees to my chest. I was seated on the couch and Ky was sitting in an arm chair across from me. "Do you think Mike going to be okay?"

"I can't really answer that for you, Derrick. If he's getting the help he needs, that's the most anyone can hope for. But how are you doing personally?"

I scowled, "I hate Christmas. It reminds me of things. I hate the lights, the music, all the money I have to spend. And I think at least twenty-five percent of my memory is back. I'm remembering things. Like I double majored in fine arts and magic theory in university. Mike majored in actuarial science. We shared an apartment with a couple of roommates in the last two years of university. Ugh." I covered my face with my hands, feeling the heat of my blush there. "It's so embarrassing." I remembered going to gay bars, wearing things that should be illegal and cruising with some of my art friends. I specifically remembered not liking going to bars with Mike because he would get so much attention. So I'd always been jealous of him, huh?

"I was a fucking slut. I mean Mike hinted that I'd had fun in uni but I'm remembering the nature of the fun I had. And I was such an asshole. Am I still an asshole?"

Ky had coughed when I called myself a slut but he interrupted me now, "People who suffer significant memory loss are normally different people without those memories. It's normal. And there's nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality as a young adult-" Ky ran distracted fingers through his hair, "-God knows I did."

"And, I mean...I still don't know what Mike sees in me. But this drinking thing...Is it my fault? Am I so fucked up that he has to turn to alcohol just to get some relief from the shit show of my life?" I rubbed one of my eyes, squinting so that the burning sensation of stubborn almost tears would go away. "I feel like he's always telling me to open up to him, because he can be there for me. But all this time, and I didn't realize that- that he needs someone to listen to him, too. Can I even be that person?" My voice got small. "Is this even healthy? I'm still not at full strength, I still get tired, my mind is a mess. I rely on Mike for too many things and he's going through stuff, too. Is a relationship supposed to be like this?" I'd been talking so fast that I wasn't sure if Ky caught everything, but he was nodding along quietly.

"Everyone's relationships are different but if you feel like being with Mike is impeding on your progress or your health in any way then no, I wouldn't call it healthy." If anything I felt like it was the opposite and that I was the one hurting Mike.

"Oh." I said quietly, gnawing on my lip.

There was a moment of silence and I watched Ky's expression. It was as unreadable as usual, dark almond shape eyes not displaying anything close to emotion.