human [c. soon]

☹ one

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5:43 am

when sam wakes up the next day, the first thing he realizes is that his eyes are sore and they feel disgustingly painful.

he groans loudly and rolls off the side of the bed before picking himself up and slowly stumbling into the bathroom.

he looks like shit - and that could be considered an understatement.

(stop looking at yourself, sam. you're gonna make yourself feel worse since you aren't attractive at all.)

his hair is disheveled, his eyes are red and puffy, and he just feels tired and numb despite havng fallen into a deep sleep the night before.

(maybe you should work out more. you're not that thin or muscular.)

his thoughts are interuppted when he hears a knock on the door.

"sam, the bus is here," his younger brother calls through the bathroom. "we're gonna be late, so hurry up."

"okay," sam replies, washing his face. "i'll be out in a bit."

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2:15 pm

sam hates school.

he isn't pushed around or anything - he just knows that people don't like him. he knows what people say about him just because he doesn't talk that much.

("who is he, anyway? he looks like a freak.")

he can't please anyone - not even himself.

("he is such a weirdo. can't even make one friend.")

somehow, sam carries on.

he thinks that maybe the worst part is that nobody really notices how they make him feel. he thinks that maybe the reason why he feels so empty is because nobody seems to notice - let alone care. he thinks that maybe the worst part is the fact that people call him stupid and ugly and weird despite not talking to those people in sam's entire life.

(maybe the worst part is that they're right.)

"it never used to be like this," he mumbles to himself - which is true. things were never this bad.

he was happy before - genuinely happy. he spent enough time with his family. he had friends. he had hobbies. people were supportive when it came to his dreams and passions. people were loving.

but then he started high school - and things seemed to change.

(you're just a burden, anyway. maybe that's why nobody notices. nobody cares, sam.)

it's his third year in high school - he should be used to this kind of treatment already, right? he can't help but wonder if anyone cares for him.

his foster family does.

(but that's different. your real family didn't want you at all, so this doesn't count.)

sam closes his eyes and waits for class to be over.

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4:00 pm

sam finds himself walking towards the general direction of the beach after school.

he loves the beach. he doesn't feel worthless when nobody else is around. he feels calm and peaceful and relaxed - and it really feels like an escape to him. an escape from the inner demons that suffocate him on a daily basis.

he sits down by the ocean and listens to the waves crash against the shore, and he can't help but realize that he feels like he's being washed away. like his worries don't exist.

like he doesn't exist.

sam doesn't know if that's a good thing or not.

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