I’m about to do it, I really am. I’ve wanted to for so long, but never gained the courage. Everything will be better, everyone will be happier. Others tell me I should go through with it. So why not? The idea of it appeals to me more and more every day. Once I die, everything will be better.
~ Earlier that night ~
5:00pm
I storm up into my room, blood dripping down my face. The bitter, metal taste slowly creeps into my mouth.
“Every night! Every god damn night!” I yell, the screech burning the walls of my throat.
“Shut up Christian! No one cares!” The words slur out my fathers mouth.
Every night I get home from school, he hits me, kicks me and yells at me. The smell of beer will surround me, the stench is horrible. He will take all his anger out on me, no one can stop him. No one is here to see what I go through every day.
Three years ago my mom passed away from suicide. She got to the point where she couldn’t even stand my father, that horrible, lame excuse for a man. He would not let us leave, no matter how hard my mom tried. Thanks to him, my beautiful mom had bruises and cuts all over her body. So she finally left, without me.
7:30pm
I throw myself onto my bed and stare at my blank wall.
“Maybe I should do it... Maybe I should die. I could finally get out of this hell hole and see my mom” I sigh to myself, letting a little, single tear stream down to my nose.
My eyes guide me to a picture of me and my mom. Scanning over the photo, I notice my piercing blue eyes, my black hair, and paired with my pale body. My skin was clear, no marks or discolour. Now, my arms and legs are covered in a forest of different kinds of scars. Just like the trees, they’re all different. Some are deeper, some are smaller, and some are bigger. None are the exact same. Not all are to be blamed on myself though. Some of these scars were put here from my father. My clear skin will never return. All of the stories and events are carved into my body. Never to disappear, to remind me, every day, of how much of a joke my life is.
9:00pm
I couldn’t begin to explain why I hate myself so much. I have many friends at school, I am invited to parties, girls always want me. When I get home though, that’s when I start to feel the real hatred. My dad is why my life is a living hell. He is the cause of my mother’s death, the cause of myself hate and soon to be the cause of my own death.
10:00pm
I slowly drag myself to the side of my room, where a dresser is placed, with a little box in the corner, under a bunch of useless items. I toss the items to the side, digging for the box. A smirk appears on my face and I stare at the small, white box. I open it and grab 5 small blue pills. The small consumable items are smooth between my fingertips. I look towards my window, being the only source of light, and gulp down the pills. “Now we wait.” I whisper in monotone to myself, hoping that they kick in soon.
10:30pm
Slowly swaying back and forth, I start to feel dizzy and as if I have zero control over my body. It’s a strange and unusual feeling, but at the same time makes me feel joy. I forget about the world, my problems, my father and think of nothing. It’s as if I’m a different person. In a way, I could say, I feel at peace.
11:00pm
By now I can’t even view the shade of white my walls are, its pitch black outside. The only light visible is from the moon and the street lamps. I hear the wind howling outside my window. My vision is blurry and I can barely stand up straight. I now have no control over my body. It isn’t enough though. I still have feeling. The feeling of myself, and knowing that everything will be the same tomorrow. Nothing will change. I want to be able to see my mom, to be with my mom, to hug her. To finally feel the love I have been deprived of for the last three years.
11:30pm
I feel nothing. I have no emotion. The only thing I feel is a desire for is my mom. “I need to end it now.” I say to myself, blankly. I slowly stumble down the stairs, grasping whatever I can so I won’t stumble over and wake my father. I could barely focus on anything, not even the steps I take. I slowly drag myself into the living room, making my way through the mess of beer cans all over the floor. I finally reach my father’s desk and slowly pull it open, grabbing a small, silver hand gun. Its smooth through my hands, with diamond shaped patterns running through the whole handle. I grip it in my hand, and stumble my way back up the stairs to my room.
11:45pm
I stare at my face in the mirror, with a smile from ear to ear. I look at my red plaid pajama pants, my bare chest, my arms covered in the forest of scares. Some new and some healing, some red, some purple. “You horrid piece of shit” I say to myself in complete disgust. I am truly a horrible person. No one actually loves me, only my mom. I turn around and glance over at the small silver gun on my bed, shinning over the moon light. I stumble over to it, feeling extremely sick from all the pills, and hold it in my hands. Another smile appears on my face.
12:00am
!!BANG!! Is the last thing I hear, until everything turns black. My sight is blank, my thought are blank, except for my mother. I think of how much I missed her, and how only is a second from now I will be able to see her again, be held by her again, be loved again. I feel joyful, peaceful and hopeful. I see my mother, her long, straight black hair, deep blue eyes, and her beautiful smile I missed so much. I then go completely blank. I can’t see anything, hear anything, taste anything, think anything. I’m finally gone.
Fathers P.O.V
!!BANG!! Is all I hear and I stumble awake. “What the hell was that?!” I yell furiously to that stupid boy. He is nothing but trouble, always in the way. Worthless. I wait for a response, but nothing. I mumble some words to myself and storm into Christian’s room.
I fall to my knees in shock. Christian, my boy, is lying on the floor, blood slowly dripping off of his head. The last thing I had of my wife, gone. I have nothing.
YOU ARE READING
12:00am
General Fiction"Once I die, everything will be better." With a drunk, abusive father, and a lost mother, Christian decides that everything isn't worth it anymore. Living through the pain and drinking of a father, and deficiency of love and touch from a mother. T...
