The fault in my teenage years, a teenagers guide to teenagness

Friendships: the basics, making, keeping, arguing.

Okay so first things first (not the bloody realist, if I hear that song one more time I will cry due to my lost faith in good music). Back to the point: friends. There's lots of things to discuss with friends:

-making them

-keeping them

-arguing with them

Then if we really want to get deep into it all we could discuss bestfriends, boyfriends, girlfriends, being more than friends, friends with benefits... But I think we'll save all that for another chapter. A more intense scary chapter (not that relationships should scare you I just know them scare me).

Okay so lets jump into this complicated mess that is friendships with making friends. I'm shivering at the thought. Nothing brings out my anxiety(which shall be discussed in a later chapter), like the thought of making friends. What do I do? How do I do it? Now do I make this person that was a stranger into a friend? What if they don't want to be friends? What if I scare them off? What do I say?

Hold on.

Stop panicking.

Friendships shouldn't be a scary thing. They are a fun, beautiful, amazing thing. Nothing makes you appreciate life quite like enjoying it with someone you like.

So making friends. I'm not saying its easy. Trust me I can't do it, but its possible and its so so worth it. Being friends with someone is like turning on a light in your world. It makes it brighter, beautiful, better. The best approach to friendship is an open happy one. Act like your open to opportunity and you will be opened to it. Act like you're happy and you'll be made happy. But be yourself. Of course be yourself, just be the best version of you. If you go into a friendship showing how happy and fun loving you are people will instantly like you, and you'll have plenty of time once the friendship has been established to show all the sides of you.

If you approach a friendship all sad and grumpy and depressed either:

-People wont want to be friends with you. No one wants to be friends with a really negative person who isn't up for enjoying themselves. People don't want that negativity around them. People want to be happy.

-Your friendship will be built off negativity and sadness and will be beneficial and fulfilling to neither party. If you bond over hate and sadness you'll struggle to do fun things that me you happy as that's not something you feel you connect over. This means the friendship will be a negative one which surely isn't something you want.

So here's my tips:

-smile

-laugh

-ask questions about the persons interests, likes, favourite things etc and tell them about yours, look for common interests.

-be positive

-be happy

-be open

-don't get too deep too quick, you don't want to scare anyone

-don't be clingy for the same reason

-look for classes you share, talk about them and homework

-maybe ask for their number for homework reasons and go from there

-baby steps are key, friendships that start fast can end fast too.

Okay next step. You have your friend. Now you have to keep them. This isn't always that easy. But once again worth it.

Important pointers:

-look for things to do together like going shopping, ice skating, picnics, trips to the park, theme parks, meals out, movie nights etc. keep it interesting.

-make time for each other regularly, eat lunch together, have specific days where you see each other, try see each other at least every week, catch up-find out what's happening in their lives at the moment-be interested.

-help them through rough patches-breakups, family problems, problems in other friendships, deaths etc, these are the times when friends are needed the most. Be there. Invite them for sleepovers, bring them films and ice cream to cheer them up, phone them up at night to talk, talk to them, let them know your here.

-don't get jealous or possessive or clingy. They. Are. Your. Friend. They. Are. Allowed. Other. Friends. They will have other friends and potentially boyfriends/girlfriends. As long as you still spend time together its cool. Just don't get annoyed if they can't spend all their time with you because they have other people to spend time with too.

-show them your real self. Now your friends you trust each other. You should be honest and truthful and trustworthy. But show your true colours. If they're your friend they should be okay with however you act.

Arguments. Arguments suck(unless your one of those people who enjoy them, who I can't understand at all). And they suck even worse if they're with your friend or someone you care about. Whether the other person started it or you did they aren't a nice thing to be a part of.

Arguments are a broad topic, you could be arguing over an outfit, a boy, a belief, anything. When in an argument you tend to be angry, annoyed and possibly upset. You could end up saying something you don't mean or doing something you'll regret. Be careful. Think hard about the argument.

-Is it something you can work through and get over? If it is there is no time like the present. Get over it. End the argument and talk it through rationally with the other party, worth though it together if you can. If you can't come to an agreement, maybe the friendship just isn't meant to be, if this is the case be civil. Don't be rude or nasty just don't be as close to that person.

-whats causing it? Opposed views? Stubbornness? Silliness? Immaturity? A boy? Is there a deeper cause? Look for the real cause if you want to work through or end it.

-NEVER use someone's insecurities against them in an argument. Don't even insult them. You're better than that. That is pathetic. What's that going to achieve? How will that progress the argument? It won't. Especially if that persons was your friend, you don't want to make them feel shit do you? Infact you shouldn't want to make anyone feel shit. Be nice, always.

-if an argument can't be put behind you and worked through and the friendship has to end over it then do it. Just be civil. Respect the fact you were friends once.

Okay here's my basics on friendships. Any questions send them(not that it's likely anyone will read this). I've had more than my fair share of arguments, and I've had all sorts of friendship experiences and I'd love to give advice.