My pain

2.

     I've always wanted the perfect guy. He was the one I read about in all my books.  The type of guy that was a Real Nigga. Like the ones that got the money and they run shit because of there respect.  Not the drug dealing type. Honestly it's not the guy personality himself but what the guy represents.
     He's the type of guy that loves you and fights for you through blood shed and tears. I thought I found him. I guess i was wrong. To me his heart was in the right place. My heart was at first. But I he came turn off by many of his actions and physical traits.  I mean damn chemistry was there. I could go places with him in conversation and to me that meant the world.               
         The intimacy was amazing the way he would kiss my lips softly. The way he would love on my body was just amazing. But when it was time to make love to my body it was a disappointment. Like I wanted to ride that ultimate ride and reach a climax so pure of love it would be magical. That was how deep my love for him was I wanted him to feel it. But he still let me down and turned me off. So for the longest time I was at a dilemma with myself and my conscience.
        I only did what a person like me that battles with commitment would do. I became unfaithful. Even though I am sorry for being unfaithful I don't regret it. I mean the way that man made me feel. Ugh just thinking about him makes my body ache and give my skin goosebumps.
       Let me explain to you this night. This night went from bad to amazing is short hours. I went out with a family member of mine and i was cute as fuck and ready to have a great time and have eyes of me. I'm sorry I love when I'm looked at. Cause I know I'm beautiful and I love to flaunt that shit. I had on a cute ass dress it was short so you seen my smooth Brownskinn chocolate legs. With a long jean button up with some gladiator sandals. I knew he was looking. Before we even went out I had on some skin tight shorts ass just be poking.
        So we went out. We went to a casino. I couldn't even go to the actual part where they gamble. I wasn't even 21. So me looking cute and with all eyes on me. I sat in a lonely spot and called him. I told him how I was sitting alone. And no one even cared to stay with me. Which I wasn't really caring about. While me and him are caking.
        Some dusty ass nigga came and sat by me. Luckily he knew I was with males I could play it off like it was someone I came with and I got off the phone. "So what's your name? If I may ask" the mystery man said. On the inside I was thinking to myself. This nigga has to be kidding himself. "My name is Milan Yours? " I say smiling my signature smile. Licking his crusty dry lips "my name is David " "nice to meet you David." I say looking at my phone.
        I look at him and when I say a bitch thought she was looking at the pig pen from Charlie Brown. And the nerve of this man to have track marks in his arm. As we are having this pointless conversation. I'm looking at every person that walks past with pleading eyes. Like one of y'all come to my rescue. This man is atrocious and I'm not dealing with this.
          Just when he's asking me to go to his room. Amanda my cousin. "Bitch where you been I've been looking for you ? " "I've been sitting here the whole time. What's up you ready to go. ?" "Nah a bitch like me hungry. Go get my wallet out the car." She hands me the keys and I walk off. Yes I can finally get rid of this guy. I think to my self. But sure enough his ass was walking with me.
        I see Tyler. This was my chance to get away from this man. "Walk with me to the car. Please. I need to get the hell away from him." We looked back at him while he was talking to some people he knew. We got outside he was still behind us. Finally Tyler spoke up. " what's yo name bruh? " "David yours ? " "I think I know you from somewhere what school you go too? " he said some school and they conversed honestly I wasn't that interested so I tuned them out.
       "So Milan can I have your number ?" I handed him my phone and let him type his number in. " okay ima call you later. " when he walked off I politely blocked his number. At this point I was ready to go. We went back in and I gave my cousin her wallet and I waited for her to get her food and we left.
          Tyler and his girlfriend got into it. So we left. We go get his gay friend and his date. We ended up at his friends house. My cousins ass fell straight asleep. I mean shit she was sleep the entire time. We didn't stop the turn up. We put some music on and had our own little kick back. We smoke a couple blunts and they were drinking some peach Amsterdam.
        They was turnt fr and I wanted to get on their level. "Can I have some?" I asked batting my eyes at Tyler. "Nah baby girl I don't think you want this. There's drugs in here that I don't think you do" I already knew they was talking about some damn Xanax. "Oh okay. Well shit lemme roll up and face one." They looked at me in shock. "Before y'all say anything I'm just tryna be on yalls level so if I can't sip ima smoke til I choke. " "Awe shit lil mamma with the shits. Go head boo smoke what ya want I don't care. As long as you don't start tripping I'm coo. " Jeremih said. I rolled up and started smoking. Then I heard my song.
Shake that ass. (Shaking more and some more)
Ima shake this ass for some brand new red bottoms.
Ima shake this ass for some brand new red bottoms.
Don't ask me how I got em just know I know how to cop em.
Drop them peaches hoe
Drop them peaches hoe.

I got up and started twerking. I didn't have no panties on so I had to keep it classy. I was really throwing my ass back like I was alone in my room. I was still hitting the blunt so I was in my zone. Tyler and Jeremih was hyping me up.
"Aye shake that phat mufucka Milan. "
"Damn baby girl. Ima have to get behind that mf."
     He came closer and started grinding on my booty. Before I started to twerk the song changed. I didn't notice that Jeremih had left the room. It was only me him and sleeping beauty. I grabbed a chair and motioned for him to sit down. I had finished the blunt and I was really feeling myself.
     At this point all I heard was that song woosah by Jeremih in the background. I walked back over towards Tyler. I decided that I was going to tease him. I was feeling good so why not. I slowly swayed my hips. He looked at me with lustful eyes. I turned around and sat in his lap. I was grinding into his pelvis. I bounced a little on his lap. I felt my dress lift up showing the bottom of my bare ass. I didn't care to pull my dress down. I felt him stiffen underneath me. I continued to dance for him like I was Beyoncé and he was Jay-z. Like he was mine and I was his. And we were the only two in the world.
       After my little show. We sat on the couch. "I know you seen me watching you all night. Why did you have that boy in your face ?" He said rubbing my exposed thighs. " You were there with your girlfriend. So I didn't think it was a problem with me talking to who I wanted to. It's not like I wanted him anyways. I mean did you see him. His arms looked like he did hard drugs. I was bored and it's called entertainment. " he looked at me like I was crazy. " honestly there's somethings I wanna do to you. I know you're attracted to me Milan. And I know you're with him but I know he doesn't satisfy you. I mean shit from what your cousin was telling me. He doesn't even live in this damn state. So tell me now. Do you want me to make love to you Milan ?" He said. "Tyler I'm do. But I don't know. " He just looked at me and nodded his head.
        As the night went on and I got to talk to him I was turned on just by the sound of his voice. The huskiness of his voice ,low and almost baritone. I would quiver. When he touched me i felt stings of lightning. He could tell what he was doing to me was driving me wild. "Milan I'm going to ask you again. Can I make love to you.? " I swallowed the biggest lump in my throat. "Yes. " that one word changed my night at an instant. When he kissed me i felt as if everything melted away. Every problem every sadness every pain. He just took it all away. When he inserted me,he and I connected and he stroked me with so much passion.
     Every time he thrust he would slightly choke me and suck on my breast. At first his stroke was slow and deep but the anticipation was to much for me. He sped up and it sent me over the edge. I pulled him close and cried for more. He made love to my body. I was in such ecstasy that I shed a tears. This man was taking me there. We were so full of lust and passion that it felt like I had rode the ultimate ride.As I came down from the high my body shook with climax. As I rode the wave I kissed his lips. They were so luscious and soft. As if I were kissing a cloud.
        Once we were finished I had to excuse my self. I went to the bathroom and I freshened up. When I came back out. He and I sat on the couch and he said to me " why do you play with your heart? You see I'm giving you something he can't." All I could do was look at him. I didn't even know the answer to the question he asked me. After some time of looking him in his eyes.
   I said. "Well he listens to me. He spoils me. He doesn't treat me like a piece of shit. I actually care to him as if I'm the only one in his world. So I mean why not ?" "I know you felt what I felt. That was magic. That was me finding what your body mind and soul needs. That fed you to be a better person." But when it came down to it. I still felt bad. Because I loved every moment of it.
        I knew that it would hurt him in he end. But the way my heart was set up. My mind was made. But I didn't listen to my heart. I did what a good person should do. I stayed where I was trapped in something I didn't want. But I was just trying to see if that is where my heart really belongs. I was doing what my family wanted me to do. They said he's a good guy. Indeed he was. Just amazing. I feel like if I'm going to be faithful I want the whole package I don't want to turned off and unsatisfied. I'm a women and I have needs.

________________________________
I hope you guys enjoy. Let me know what you think.
Comment.
Follow.
💕