A killing desire crossed my body , a desire of knowing his feelings , his true owns . I often wish that I was some extraterrestrial creature who’s able to read minds , It hurts not to know things , It hurts to act without knowing what will happen. Fear, all I feel is fear , what will be his reaction ? waiting silently for an answer , It kills , I want to see through minds , I want to see beneath skins , It hurts to deny the truth. I often can’t explain his actions , or mine ! does he think that his acts or sayings are meaningless? They’re not for God‘s sake! Every touch has Its own meaning , holding my hands , playing with my hair , fighting with me , he says that he loves me , does he ? I love every single thing about him , but I hate him , sometimes , when he’s far, when he’s not next to me I feel afraid , I don’t know why but fear almost kills me , I’m afraid that someone else will have him , someone else will replace me , It hurts , I want to kill him , hit him , slap him in his whole face , I hate him, I know that I do and I hate myself for hating him . I think too much , more than I should and It ‘ s wrong and I know It is and It hurts , Does he even think about me ? I don’t think so ! I don’t think he even knows what he ‘s doing , most of the time It feels like I’m talking to a dead body , a zombie ! he doesn’t even listen !” I’m afraid “, I once said , almost crying. He laughed , put his arm around me and said “you’re mine , you shouldn’t be afraid of anything “ then he disappeared , but I still can sense, his shadow , his smell , his poison , what am I doing , am I hallucinating , I wish , I wish that I can wake up , I wish that I can be saved ; “you’re being too serious “ he said, touching my waist, I laughed , am I? I’m just analyzing facts , he’s
only next to me when’s bored, he doesn’t know a thing about me and It hurts cuz I can’t talk to him about anything , I can’t reveal my secrets although I want to , I wish I could , are we friends? We’re more than just friends , are we a couple? I think we’re less than a couple , I think I’m starting to be him , cold heart and rational mind , irresponsible acts and sarcastic laugh , I ‘m being the zombie now and It hurts….
