On The Moon

8

Grayson
This had been a day that I would remember for the rest of my life. I've always felt close to James, but today was different. It felt like love. I have accepted myself, and It has made being around James a lot easier, as well as a lot harder. Today we just laughed and had fun there wasn't a single doubt of my love for him or awkward feeling towards him. We were now on our way to dinner. We had spent the entire day exploring Hawaii not worrying about anything. Which wasn't a problem besides the fact that we both had a billion missed calls and texts from Emma and Ethan. I guess we were too caught up in the moment, and each other.
We get to a nice restaurant and get a table. I forgot the fact that James and I were handcuffed when we received a few strange looks. We sat down and enjoyed the rest of the night. When we got back to the place we were staying Emma and Ethan came out of their room looking very worried.
"Where the hell did you go?" Emma sighs
"We just explored the area a little bit," I explain.
"A little bit! Why didn't you pick up the phone? We were worried sick!" Emma rants
"We get it, mom," James butts in
"Its all about living in the moment, this place is so beautiful I didn't want to miss any of it," I sigh missing the memories already.
"Jesus Christ, I'm going to bed" Ethan sighs.
He walks off and Emma follows behind him of course.
"I'm not tired yet," James frowns.
"Want to sit on the balcony?"
"Ummm, yes!"
We grab a million pillows and blankets and throw them on the balcony to make a little nest for us to sit in. The wall on the balcony was glass so we could see right over the beach. The ocean glistened, the sand was smooth and the stars were bright, twinkling overhead. Everything was peaceful and the only thing I could hear was the dark waves crashing together. We sat, and we talked. We talked about anything and everything. We laughed, and his emotions were contagious. His stress was mine. Seeing him sad destroyed me, But his laugh, his laugh was euphoric.
When we had no more to talk about James brought up a list of questions.
"If you were to die this evening, with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?"
"Holy fuck, there are a lot of things I want to say to a lot of people. My family, my friends, someone very special to me..." I trail off towards the end.
"A special person!" James raises one eyebrow and smirks.
"Yeah, I would tell them... I would tell them that... they are my world. The method to my madness, the answer to all my problems, my light, my hope..." tears were filling my eyes.
"Wow, you better tell this mystery lady. You are literally in love. I can hear it in the way you speak about her," James smiles
I cringe and his word choice, but laugh at the same time. If only he knew. God damn, he has such a hold over me, and I don't mean to sound cliche, but he really does have me wrapped around his finger.
"Tell me more..." James insists
"You know how people say someone's love is like a drug to them?" I ask
"Yeah?"
"I will never get that, drugs only provide temporary relief from pain and reality... and they are bad for you,"
I pause and take a deep breath
"My love isn't like that. He isn't temporary, or bad for me. They give me an endless supply of happiness."
"That is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard" James wipes a tear off his cheek.
He didn't notice. I had purposely used 'he' but he missed it. Maybe for the better.
×××××××××××××
It was the next morning and sadly, time to take off our handcuffs. The good news is, we still have a whole week left in Hawaii. After that, however, E and I were visiting our family for a week. I had a plan. It's now or never. Today, I would come out to Ethan. We will go home, I'll come out to my family. I would soon after come out to Emma, then eventually James.
We all get uncuffed and James takes the liberty of going to get us all Starbucks. This was the time.
"Grayson, do you wanna go with me?" James asked.
"I have to do something, will you take Emma with... I have to talk to Ethan,"
"Ooooh, is it about Jane Doe?" He asked.
Oh how badly I wanted to say 'John'. I held it back.
"Maybe, maybe not" I bite my lip.
He smiles and calls for Emma to go with him.
Soon enough, they are gone. I have to do it now! No turning back. This is it. This is for you. More importantly, this is for James. This gave me confidence, so I went. I walked into the room and went.
"Ethan?"
"Hey, what's up?"
"I... I just... wanted to say something" reality kicks in. After this, there is no going back.
"Go ahead," he sits up.
"I don't think that I'm straight..."
"I mean, I know I'm not, I just am not quite sure what I am..." I ramble.
He looks at me, an eerie silence fills the room. My head is spinning.
"My turn," Ethan's voice breaks me out of my trance.
"I'm... I am... straight..." he looks down holding his chest.
"I know, I'm sorry. You don't accept me do you?" He continues.
I couldn't have felt happier. He stands up and hugs me.
"You are the best brother, ever," I wipe my eyes.
"And you, are so gay for James!" Ethan laughs
"Shut your bitchass up lord fuckwad!" I laugh
Just then, as if on cue the door opens.
"Alright, shut your pie hole, you're the only one who knows," I give him a look.
We all pile onto the balcony to sit under the warmth of the sun and drink our Starbucks.

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"Assembling their philosophies from pieces of broken memories"
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Song: This Is Gospel (P!ATD)
Sorry I updated kinda late in the day. I slept for a long time because my body thought it would be fun to get sick. There were supposed to be 2 coming outs in this chapter, but it got long so there will be 2 in the next chapter! Its finally happening and I can't believe it.!!!! That's all! Love you the most. Bye.
~E~