Cry

Chapter 1

January 1st, 2017
Today was ..... not bad.
I got up this morning and just drank coffee. Mother tried to get me to eat some breakfast, but I wasn't hungry. I'm never hungry anymore and I hate when she tries to push food onto me. It's bad enough I almost didn't want to get up this morning. I just wanted to stay inside my cozy covers and go into hibernation and not come out for six months or so.
Dad wasn't home yet, but what difference does it make?
He's never home anyway, his job is way too important for me or mom or Seth.
I hate my life.
I had to go to the therapists again today,which is why I started to write in you diary.
I hate therapists, they claim that whatever goes on in the room stays in the room, but I know this one tells dad and mom certain things I say because when they get angry at me, they bring up stuff from the later session like, " Dr. Mann told me you had been talking about stuff like this!" And then they will stomp out of the rooms bd leave me standing in the darkness.
The session yesterday went like this: 
"Hey, Tyra! How are we feeling today?" He will Ask and put on a shiny smile and play with his pen and paper.
"Just lovely."
" Tyra do I hear some sarcasm in  there?"he winks and I shutter.
"No, it's the God honest truth." I'll say and smirk.
"Oh, Tyra I just love your sense of humor." He smiles real big and writes something on his pad.
"Really I'm fine." I cross my arms over my chest.
His smile breaks and he gets serious, " your arms don't say that." He points out.
Dang it
I pull down my sleeves past my scars, "They are old, I don't do it anymore." I say and focus on a painting that hangs on his walls.
"So if I looked in your purse right now I won't find a blade, perhaps from a razor?"He taps the pen,cocks his head, and smiles. What a Asshole.
"I don't think that is any of your business." I tell him rudely.
"Well as your mental health provider I think I am, and I am obligated to tell your parents." He sets his pen down and fiddles with his hands.
"No."
"Well I'm going to need to be bribed  if you don't want your parents knowing."
I swallowed hard and closed my eyes shut and wished this were all a dream.I knew this would happen.
He picks up his pen and begins to tap again, "So what will it be?" He plays a smile on his face once More.
I stand up and walk over to him and quickly kiss him in the cheek.
He pulls me in on his lap and whispers, "You have twenty minutes to convince me." And he licks the inside on my ear and I want to die, and then I blackout.
I wake up in his office couch, he is doing his belt and snaps at me.
"Come on and get up. Your mother is waiting." I redo my jeans shakily and am about to cry. I am only 16, what have I done  to deserve this?
He opens the door and my mother sits down her magazine and walks up to us.
"She did great today, I just think maybe she should get a dairy and start writing down her feelings, it would be good for her." He outer his arm on my shoulder and I cringe.
"Of course!" My mother beams and Chan's his check, " see you next week?"
"Sure thing!" He says brightly and waves at my mom and winks at me and tilts his head bit as to warn me not to tell or i will be in big trouble.
I hate myself
How could I let this happens?
I start begin to cry
Is this my fault?
Until tomorrow,
Tyra