I just laid there, blood dripping from both of my arms. Tears dripping from my eyes, the thoughts still running through my head. My sheets covered in blood. Not knowing what else to in my life. It seems like my mother don't love me my grandmother don't either my fathers too far away. I don't have no where to go. I've been locked out and beaten like i was an animal. I get bullied in school for stupid reasons. Im so lost and confused memories going through my head of the time i was raped. At the age of nine i got rape by my older brother. I'm 16 years old living on the street. I had a child by brother, it was a girl, she got taken away from me because of course i couldn't take of a child at the age of ten. I always wondered, why me out of everyone in the world, im the one.
People i didn't know could just look at me and tell i was going through pain. The thing i keptwondering is if it look like i’m going through something why not ask, but then i realized, I was scared for someone to know because i might have not get the help i need. At the age of twelve................ I started cutting, I didn't know another way to deal with my issues at the time i didn't even know what i was doing I just knew it felt so much better when i did it. But, it only relieved me for that moment and then i would do it again and again. It started once a week, then once a day, then several time a day, then whenever i could get my hands on anything sharp.
At the age of thirteen i attempted suicide at school because i couldn't take it no more.
Between the things that has been going on at home and here at school and the feelings i be
having about hiding my scars. Well i got rushed to the hospital for cutting a vein, while was at the hospital they took blood test and checked for anymore bruises and scars.
They found out i lived on the street and they found out i was
raped and saw every last cut i have all over my body from all the way up my arm, to my breast
, to my thighs, and ankles. The worst and last thing i found out was I have aids from my brother.
So now i live in a foster home with several other teens but my problems seemed a lot more serious then there's. I met a few people but i will never trust anyone after all i've been
through. It's around 12 am im just sitting here rocking back and forth in my bed while my roommate knocked out sleep. I really don't wanna be here right now I'm thinking about running away, but they'll find me, i don't want to be here.
As the tears from my thoughts start dripping down my face, I do it again but down my ribs as the blood drip down the stress starts to go away. I feel better but i really need a better way to relieve stress because i keep getting judged for it, and the counselling don't seems to work, trying to be love don't work either, the fussing and arguing for something thats not perfect or exactly the way you or whoever wants it everyone is not the freaking same so stop complaining. I'm not the perfect child, nobodys perfect, if you want it done that way do i your damn self stop stressing me out for your needs.Around 2am i finally fell asleep but not peacefully, I never sleep peacefully.
So daylight comes and my foster mother see's the bloody clothes and my razors and the blood tracks leading all the way to my room on to my bed. I'm just realizing i passed out i didn't fall asleep. My foster mom isn't nice she raped me all the time she dosn't know I have aids i tride to tell her but she just think im trying to get her off of me but, i guess you reep what you sow.So she came in my room and slamed the door making the floor rumble. She asked me have i cut again, I said you see the blood don't you, she slapped me and grabbed me by my neck and kissed me i was trying to get away but there was no hope .
As she continues to kiss me i try to get away then she inserts her fingers in me then i start to moan then i forget about everything then just started to enjoy it. She went down on me and started penitrating me with her tongue then I shoved her off me because nothing about this is right around five seconds later the police comes through the door I'm pantsless and she's getting cuffed.
