Fear And Love

He was sitting on the office's chair looking into some files that belongs to work for along time but at the end he reached to a limit where it was hard to understand and concentrate so he lift his head sighing tiredly because he felt his head can't take more work, so he decided to give himself a rest. He moved his body to the back and started looking at the ceiling as he spaced out.
He had decided that he's going to rest his mind and his eyes from work and from anything else but he didn't, he got up from his place quickly, he got a shiny smile upon his lips.
The man took the empty glass of tea and decided to renew the cup so he started walking outside of the working room while his smile never disappeared.
But as you know, tea was an excuse to get out and search for his angel and look at her as much as he can so he could remove longing from his heart.
Can started to search for his angel with his two eyes all over the place but she was nowhere to be found for his surprise so he decided to go to the drink's corner in order to search for her and make himself a cup of tea as well.
But to his surprise, she was actually working there, quietly and out of the sight. She was trying to force all her concentration to write a text of the text ads that she works at but the way she was interacting with writing made him believe that he's going to get another wonderful thing from her beautiful hands and mind.
He wanted to go and hug her tightly to remove the longing that his heart held but he stopped in his place and started to look at her from far away.
Yes, he controlled his feelings and decided to only look at her from far away.
Looking at her carefully and fills his eyes of her while he started to think...
How can she be so innocent?
Like a little girl that doesn't know anything about the world...
She was so beautiful, so pretty. He was just getting dizzy whenever his eyes fell on her.
Maybe she's not the prettiest girl out there but she was so beautiful that he can't see another woman except her even if she was prettier.
Shortly, that woman was the most beautiful thing his eyes saw.
Her curly locks was falling above her shoulders, she was putting the pen inside of her mouth somtime while other times she was rubbing her head with the pen.
She was frowning angrily at her mind that she forced so much to get ideas which made her look like an angry little girl that does her hard homework. Although her anger, she looked like an edible sweet sugar candy.
"I can't disappoint Can, he believes in me!" his ears caught the sentence she said and he didn't know how to feel at first and took his time to conscious those words.
She was giving double effort to make him proud of her and she was trying not to embarrass him in front of anyone else because be was always complimenting her and her intelligence in front of everyone else. So in return she was trying her hard not to disappoint him and make him embarrassed because he believed in her.
An embarrassed smile formed upon his lips as he lowered his head to look at the wooden counter knocking it with his finger.
This girl never fail to surprise him and every time this happens, he falls in love with her more and more... and more!
His love for her made him breathe freely and made him believe that his days and nights will be filled with happiness and joy.
So how can he give up on this happiness?
He won't lie and say he never thinks about his life without her or even his heart without her love, how can he live such a life?
Would a day ever come and his heart stop beating for her or his mind stop thinking about her?
He can't even imagine something like that, he can't imagine himself without her!
He can't even remember how he was in the past before he met her.
That's why he was always avoiding thinking about everything that concerns their past.
He was running away from a reality that would destroy them.
He's afraid of facing a truth that would finish them.
Actually, inside his head there were some thoughts about what happened some weeks ago and also about their separation because of the lies she told.
Of course he doesn't feel angry at her now and he completely forgave her but sometimes he wonders if there were more she hides.
And to tell the truth, he's afraid to ask her.
He's afraid to ask if there were more lies.
He's afraid to ask if there was a reason behind her lies!
He's afraid to lose her one more time.
He can't imagine his life without this smile, these eyes, this smell, this face and this voice.
He knows himself and he knows how he thinks. He knows that if he got to know that she has more to hides, he will just go away once again and will be deprived of all these things, he will be deprived of her!
So sometimes he prefers to keep silent, he prefers to ignore thoses thoughts so she'd be next to him.
Sometimes he decides to be selfish to keep her besides him!
Can left the place careworn because of these thoughts that confused his mind.
As much as he hates lying and deception, he gets the desire to stay away from the one that committing this sin but his fear to lose Sanem made him avoid talking in this thing in order he won't be forced to leave the happiness that he was tasting for the first time in his life.
He knew that he has to trust her more than that but he remembers that when he was angry at her she was pleading him to listen to her for many times but he always refused that. But when they made things up she stopped pleading.
Does that mean she wanted to tell him more which was going to make him angrier but she didn't do that because she was afraid to lose him again?
He returned to his office looking at the space spacing out one more time, he was trying to push those bad thoughts off his head but every time he does, it returns back to tire him and pains his head.
And what saved him from drowning in more thoughts was the arrival of his love and angel to the room.
"Sevgilim..." she knocked the door and went to the inside with her shiny smile which he adores so he couldn't resist and smiled too.
"Sevgilim..."
The girl moved towards him with slowly steps as he watched her approaching him, his heart was pounding slowly then faster with every step she takes.
It doesn't calm down and he can't even imagine it can get to calm down.
Because every time he sees her, that heart beats like crazy.
"You took a cup of tea and left without saying anything." The brown haired girl looked at him frowning like a little girl which made him smile more and force himself to look away from her sight trying to control over his flowing feelings about seeing her cuteness and prettiness.
"I saw you busy, you were fighting the paper and I did not want to bother you."
Sanem got embarrassed and started rubbing her head with her small fingers trying to runaway with her eyes in order not to meet his while she talked with stutter.
"Yes... I was trying to write a text... But I couldn't... That's why I decided to be alone in order to be able to write." She said her sentence as the man was looking at her closely, every move she takes and every react she gives and then realized how she was interacting with every word she spelled.
And while his ears were listening to the voice he loves, his eyes were saving her face's beauty that looked beautiful as the moon.
"Did you succeed at least?"
"No!"
She puffed annoyed waving her hand with the paper and before she could return it to her side, the man took it and started reading what was written.
"Don't read that, I'm so embarrassed!" She tried to take it back with every way she has but their different sizes prevented her from succeeding.
Can started to move in the place and she was running after him, fighting for getting back what he took from her. Meanwhile he was trying to read some words and understand it while some laughs escaped his lips.
"Yaa, Can!"
"Stop... Stop so I can read what you wrote!"
"I don't want you to read!"
And after many failed attempts, she gave up at the end so she frowned and looked away which caught his attention.
"What? Did you give up this quickly?"
"Quickly?!" She frowned one more time looking at him with an annoyed look which made the man smiles and raise his hand to cup her face and squeezing it.
"I eat your frowing face!" And then he moved his hand back to his side looking at her eyes.
"Let me read and judge, Am I not your boss?" the girl raised her eyes to look at him with the same frown but sighed giving up after all. But then she raised her index finger and talked with a threatening tone.
"But you'll not make fun of me!" she exclaimed which made Can laughs raising his hand to her face one more time and squeezing one cheek with his index and middle fingers.
"When did I do something like that my love?"
The man started reading the text that his girlfriend wrote and he was interacting and smiling with every word he reads and that's caught the girl's attention.
The girl looked into his face and started to check his features with concentration and because she knew that the text she wrote was so bad and embarrassing, she immediately felt that he was smiling sarcastically.
But what confused her was that look he had in his eyes, it was different somehow but she still couldn't believe anything else.
"It's great... it really is." Can moved the paper back to his side and moved his eyes to look at her. He had hundereds words hidden in those brown eyes that his tongue couldn't spell. It holds many meanings of pride, love and admiration for her glamor, beauty and intelligence. Every day she was proving to him that his heart did not make a mistake when he chose her to be his Road fellow.
But Sanem didn't believe him.
"Look... You're making fun of me again!" he knew that this girl wouldn't believe him so he lift his hand and started touching her soft cheek with his fingers gently and when she realized what he was doing she looked at his eyes innocently reading what he had buried inside of it.
"You're creative, thanks to these beautiful hands."
She trird to stop a form of a smile upon her lips with very big efforts, trying to convince her inside that he tricks her but the betrayal came from her mind and her heart which was fluttering with joy about what she heard.
So She spoke as she couldn't stop smiling.
"Is it possible that you are flattering me because I am your love, Can bey?"
"I'm not flattering you but if you want to get flattered..."
Then he approached towards her to put a kiss on her right cheek and then the left one, then to her lips and she was trying to stop him but couldn't so when she found a chance to get away from him she did that placing her hands over her mouth looking with wide eyes.
"What are you doing? Someone will see us!"
"Let them see ... are not you my girlfriend?"
The girl tried to stop him from doing something like that in his glass office, where everyone sees the inside.
"Yes your girlfriend but, this is inappropriate!" She continued so the man sighed and ignored every word that comes out of her mouth. He lift up his strong arms wrapping them over her small body and pulled her into a hug.
Can buried his head in her shoulder as his arms tightened around her body, hugging her was like the only way to release all the worries from his heart.
Although she did not want such things at work, but the hug was like a charm that charmed her without refusing it. The girl did not find herself a refuge, so she took his arms and strong body as a refuge burying herself in his ribs and forgetting the world around.
"I love you ... Sanem."
Can whispered in his sweetheart's ear to paint the bright smile on her lips so her heart beats for him only.
"I love you too."
He decided to leave the coming to the future. If she hides something from him, there will be a reason behind it for sure. If she wants to tell him, she will tell him and this will never diminish his love for her, because she became the pulse of his heart. He lives with it, without it he dies.