I'm a college student, transferee and never expected a school life would be such hell as this. I used to have doubts. I never thought that it would be this hard to cope with this grouped people. It's because I used to think that I’m friendly so it wouldn't be so hard for me to gain friends as many as I have in my previous school. I know it's hard to go on ride with people who been in a different ambiance unlike mine, but never expected that it's not just hard but so so so hard. Everything that I thought my life would have here was so wrong. Depression is coming up and getting higher every time I’m in school. I always want weekend, but it can't happen to be always weekend because weekdays still has to go on. I tried to talking to them, getting their numbers and to have a good communication with them, but why is it they're like avoiding me? They're like going to answer my question then I’ll try to talk just to continue the conversation but they're going to look in way that is opposite of mine. So I’m just going to shut myself down in the corner, and be the person I never been. That time, I feel such a loser, I’m always out of place, feel so ruined, regret, lonely and hating myself. All negative forces are coming into me, invading my body, mind and then going to attack my positive guts. Then going to leave me, a question. "Why did I changed my path?" even though this is the course I really want and seeing me in my future as this. And all I felt is regret.
One day I was so late for my history class, and I feel so messed up. Something in me is forcing to just go to the church and I’m like "I feel laziness" but I still followed it. When I was on my way to the church, I’m thinking "why these things are is happening to me? I feel so ruined... I even questioned my faith to god, that question is p[laying into my mind and hoping to be answered that day.
When I entered the church and kneel, the tears just fell down and I didn't even know why. I prayed and talked to god very serious. That I’m ignoring the hotness, the people around me, and even the sweats that wets so much. All i was thinking is to focus talking to him and find the answer to my question. I’m seeing myself kneeling in front of him. And he is listening in whatever I say. And suddenly, I remembered what life I had on my previous school. Flashbacks came and made me realize that " maybe I enjoy being in the company of my friends but I wasn't there just for that, not to make friends only but to study and finish whatever am I taking , but in the other side of it, is the thing I don't enjoy". I even remembered what i said before i transfer "psychology is what I really want, my life would be such a regret to me if I’m not going to take and going to be what I really want, I’m ready to face every drop of consequences." I was so sure about those words I said and don't have even a single dot of doubt. SHOOT! That’s the answer to my question, "NEVER HAVE DOUBTS" I remembered watching "the secret", and they explain the "law of attraction" and then I realized that I feel so down because of my doubts. the more I doubt, the universe response on that doubt in a negative way even I’m thinking the positive thing the doubt is still there for contrast. Shit my questioned was answered but I still continue talking to god and thanked him for everything. After that I was so relieved. On my way home, all I’m doing was smiling and doesn’t care what might people think. All I know is that I’m okay and ready for tomorrow's classes with my positive thinking with me.
Maybe the changes didn't appeared so fast, but after weeks I can feel the changes. And now I have my friends, enjoying my course and happy with my student life here. And there's a note I want to leave for you guys “JUST TRUST HIM" because whatever happen to us god is the only person who will never ever leave us and he is the only person who can help us in our every problem. God made me realized those things and helped me cured my guts. And now, everything is so fine. Thanks to god! :)