Broken

Before ♡

It's dark and I lay in bed, silent and alone looking into oblivion, shutting myself off from this horrid world. Ding ding my screen lights up and my phone buzzes bringing me back to reality, it's from Erin "I love you so much Hazel but I'm done I can't do this anymore, I'm out " I think she means she is going to kill herself, I couldn't let my best friend leave so I frantically messaged her in hope she would reply but nothing. What was I going to do, my best friend could be committing suicide like right now and there's no way I can stop her. I fall out of bed and stumble to the phone and punch her number into it.

I wait anxiously while the phone rings only to hear " I'm sorry but the number you have called in unavailable right now , please leave a message after the beep " Beep . The beep rings in my ears. She must be dead if she's not answering, tears escape my eyes and I run back to my bed, I lay down in hope she is still okay but I no she's not but still I don't know that yet.

An hour later I receive a ding ding , she's okay I think to myself, only to be shocked when the message is from her mum. " Hazel I'm sorry, she's gone " I cup my hand over my mouth to stop my violent sob from escaping. I lay my head on my pillow and drop after drop my sorrow drenches it's.

I don't want to wake my family cause they most likely don't care that I'm upset.

My dad, he abused me as a child and still does he said he would rather be dead so then he doesn't have to put up with me. My mother is completely oblivious to anyone's feeling and my brother he is they only one who would care. Isaac, my brother, smokes his life away and spends most time in his bedroom and I don't blame him I mean smoking might be the only way he copes, I don't know how he has kept it from our mum for so long.

My brother I think to myself, he'll help. Silently I walk to his room and push the door open he is out on the balcony smoking, of course. My teary face meets his eyes, immediately he flicks the cigaret away and runs to me clutching me tightly "What's wrong, was it dad who did this too you again if it was I'll fucking kill him ." I could hear the anger in his voice. " N...no " I just manage to say before I burst into tears, he puts me on the bed and closes the door then sits beside me and wraps one arm around me ." Hey, hey what's wrong ? " He says while comforting me " my friend she .. she committed suicide" I said as I fell into him " oh Hazel I'm so sorry but I don't know what to do ...I ...uh " he said " It's okay just hug me " I said before crying again "It's going to be okay trust me" Isaac said hugging me tighter.

After a while I decided I should go back to my room so I did. I got to my my shut and locked the door, then searched through my bag and grabbed out my pencil case. I scrambled through the pencils until I found it, a sharpener. I grabbed my scissors and put them into the notch of the screw and took it out leaving me with a blade. I can't believe I'm doing this but no one understand what it's like. I feel so alone and isolated, I can't express my emotional pain but I can express my psychical pain.

I placed the blade down on my tear covered wrist , push down and dragged it across my skin . I done it , it didn't hurt if any it was relief from all this torture and pain. Multiple times I sliced my wrist, and at first the was no blood but then it all came at once as tiny little droplets formed on the lines. The surface tension of the droplets broke making the blood run down my arms and on to the floor. I just couldn't doing this anymore, I couldn't keep pretend that everything was hunky dory when in fact it's not, I couldn't keep putting on fake smile forever. I just couldn't be happy.