Broken

Before ☀︎

Tears of relief spilled from my bloodshot eyes, I should probably clean up mess. I walked to the bathroom and splashed my wrist to clean away the blood. I grabbed bandaids and a bandage and covered my wrist. I then went back to my bed. I want to leave with her I can't stand to see a world without her. I love her. I want to see her face one last time .

Again I got out off bed and silently walked to the kitchen where I medicine cabinet is, I open it and took which ever bottle of pills where close enough, stuff them up my shirt and when but to my room an locked the door. I put the bottle besides me and I go on my phone and go to google. "The best ways to kill yourself " is what I had looked up. There were plenty to chose from carbon monoxide poison sound good, just turn the car on and let all you troubles fade, seem like a good way to die, peacefully but I can't really just go turn the car on everyone would hear. Obviously there was the option of shooting yourself or jumping of a building but a) I don't have access to a gun b) I don't the guts to throw my self over a building. I could hang myself but I heard that's the worst way it's not quick and easy well neither is sallowing a gazillion pills but it was my best option so far but then something even better came up. " A good way to die peacefully is, you go run a hot bath calm down and relax now while in the bath sallow plenty of pills then slit your wrist downwards which will help the blood flow easier, the pills and hot water will thin your blood and basically you will just drift off into a never ending sleep." I don't know but either way I was sallowing these pills. 1 pill, 2 pill, 3 pill , four. one after the other I swallowed about 30 I figure if it doesn't kill me at least I could sleep peacefully.My eyes, I could feel them grow heavy. I squeeze my eyes shut and I'm unable to open them that how tired I am. I lay motionless, a tear squeeze from my eyes and down my cheek. "I'll see you soon beautiful, it's okay I hate this world and the world hates me but that's okay cause I hate myself too.. goodbye" I whisper, I sigh a breathe of relief and I feel my self drift away from the world I once loved, darkness covers my mind as I... as I leave.. I realize now I'm just about gone I didn't want to leave I just wanted someone to save me, and I bet it's exactly how Erin felt at this very point in time. Two suicides in one night. I could faintly hear her voice, it echoed back and fourth. "Hazel , save me " it was Erin but I couldn't save her she was all ready gone "I miss you and I wish I could save you but I can't ! I'm sorry!" I sob. The violent roar of sirens wailing brings me back to death/reality. ZIIIIIP, ZIPPP my heart pounds inside my rib cage. It feels like my heart if being squashed inside of me

My head pounds and rings with Erin's cry. Also I hear my mother cry. Why are they zapping me I swallowed pills, I didn't drown. Idiots. I hope they fail