; 1:02 am.
suicidal doesn't begin to describe it. I'm more like deadly, wanting to die but not having the courage to actually do it, and as I lay in bed I'm thinking to myself.. wow. how can someone be this sad? how can I possibly wanna die so much that I actually cut myself to make me happier.
The voices have come back, kill yourself they say. You're worthless they say. you don't deserve to be alive. I'm starting to believe they're foul words, I've been crying for the past hour and I don't know why I'm such a fuck up, or how I can possibly fuck everything I touch or everyone I talk to up. and how can someone possibly be in love with a girl who is so broken?
Like I don't understand how somebody could love someone who scars her skin daily. drawing a picture on her arms with a blade every day.
I don't understand how I can hate myself so much. or why everyone else hates me. but I guess I understand why, and I'm sorry. so very sorry.
