Body Talks

Ocean Eyes

(Morning time, breakfast)

It was like the objective of a camera, the way Jake came into focus. If the room was quiet enough, Logan was almost sure he could hear the silent clicking of the lens, closing in on his mouth, the shape of his outer ear and the softness of his earlobe. His upper lip with the curvatures of a girls, the high part of his cheek covered with summer freckles. Logan never understood how Jake wasn't surrounded by girls the same way he was, Jake was sure enough prettier.

Jake swallowed around the mouthful of lemonade he'd just taken in his mouth, his bottom lip wet from the sweet liquid and Logan was staring. He'd been staring for a while now.

Logan wasn't sure when this had started, this summer thing. When his mind had switched from wanting nothing more than to make Jake blush to wanting to be the reason he blushed. Sneaky thing, the mind.

It pissed him off, but then again, everything about Jake pissed him off these days. Not in the way it used to, not Because of Jake's dumb crush things, nah man. This anger was new. Jake in boxers pissed Logan off, Jake eating toast and licking the butter off of his fingers pissed him off. Jake looking guilty and embarrassed when he accidentally would bump into Logan pissed him off, his huge brown eyes darting looks from under his long lashes, the tops of his cheeks colored pink and the quick "sorry, man", pissed Logan off.

Jake wasn't supposed to be the one holding that kind of power over Logan.

It didn't take long for Logan to figure it out though, he'd felt this before except those times it had been with various girls. Somehow Jake had managed to switch this game around on him, this dumb cat and mouse game they'd been playing since they were kids. He was supposed to be the twisted, dumb love-struck one, the one Logan had to keep at bay. Jake was supposed to be the one chasing him.

Ever since the hookup at school Jake had taken a distance. He didn't sleep in Logan's bed anymore, he didn't ask Logan for advice on girls, didn't want Logan to help him with his algebra homework. At first Logan had been relieved, you know, thinking maybe Jake had finally gotten over it and they could both just move on with their lives. Then Logan had started getting worried, without this hold over Jake then who was gonna do all his shit for him? And finally, Logan had gotten sad. It wasn't clear why at first, but as time went on and Jake drifted further and further away, he realized it. Without Jake swooning over his every move, without him as his shadow, Logan was lonely. He missed the hold he'd had on Jake, he missed being the single brightest thing in someone's universe. It was a feeling not a lot if people ever got to experience and Logan hadn't realized what it had meant to him until it was gone.

He missed the bony elbows, the warm hands. He missed the exhilaration.

He couldn't understand the distance, why had Jake suddenly decided now to back off? Maybe Logan's jabs had gone too far for him. Logan knew the kind of torture he'd put his brother through, but he also knew why he felt it had been necessary. If he didn't push Jake wouldn't defend himself, and if Jake wasn't defending himself Logan was scared he'd actually let him in. No matter who started this, no matter where this sickness grew from Logan knew deep down that somehow it was his fault, it was always his fault. Jake's desire was his fault, the toxic relationship that had grown from it was his fault, the whole situation. No matter what move he made he'd end up hurting Jake.

So he did what he could, did just enough damage to where Jake would know that it could never happen , but kept him on the hook enough so that he didn't lose him entirely. It's a difficult game to play, but Logan adapted. No one would ever hurt Jake the way Logan did, and in that, no one would ever compare or take his place. He trusted Jake to be the one to set his foot down if things ever went too far because between the two of them, crazily enough Jake was actually the one with a moral compass.