December 29, 2018 (Internal Arguments)
Why do I believe that pain is the reliable source of nurturing? The love people gain is not only from the pain they receive, but the true resolve from one's wrongs. I do not know how to comprehend the thoughts that my actions do not act upon. I live to learn, how do I do that when I do not embrace my own ideals? I don't know. The ocean that lives in my mind, constantly moving, waves getting larger or shrinking. The more that I go through the waves fluctuate. What can I do to slow my current down. I can't hold on to my thoughts any more then I can as of now.
My eyes are swore, my heart is aching, my thoughts are racing... What can I do to remain from changing?
I love you. But do you love me? I can't commit or listen to the words you are speaking with no doubts. How can one love somebody, when they have never been loved themselves? I want to love you, but I can not love myself. I haven't felt wanted, needed, or even accepted until you have come to sail across my sea. I do not want to make the decisions to hurt you, so in the end I will hurt myself. Your smile, makes my pain meaningful.
