I'm Your Guardian Angel [GUARDIAN ANGEL REIJI AU]

Chapter 4

Syo wakes up with a jolt.

He rapidly scans his room.

The panic within him slowly rises up.

He can't be here.

There's no way he should be here.

Syo just wants to forget.

But his dreams, his fears, him. . .

They don't want him to forget.

Syo takes deep breaths, taking in his surroundings. No one else is here. It's only him, like it should be. Syo breaths a sigh of relief, and falls back asleep.

*****

Syo wakes up again, only he isn't in his bed. He's returned to that place. He carefully crawls his way off the platform he laid upon and spots a mirror not to far away. Slowly, he walks up to it. 'Please don't show it. Please don't show it. Please don't show it,' his mind begs. 'I don't want to see it. I don't want to see it. I don't want to see it.' Syo covers his left eye in agonizing fear. It usually doesn't take long for him to get to the mirror, but this time it felt like hours, days even. His breathing begins to pick up. He's just staring at himself in the mirror. Himself with his tattered and torn school uniform, bruises on his arms and legs, and scars that adorn his right arm. How long has he been in this place? He didn't know at the start.

"Syo. . . chan. . ." a voice whispers into his ear. "Syo. . . chan. . ."

Syo's left hand moves on its own. Slowly and steadily, it reveals the truth he's been covering up for so long. All he wanted to see were his two sky blue eyes staring back at him.

There's only one though.

The other is a light summer green.

His eye.

Natsuki's eye.

Syo wants to scream. He wants to look away. But, he can't. He can't scream. He can't look away. He can't run away from this. He never can.

"Syo. . . chan. . ." The voice returns, but with a figure. Syo sees it standing behind him in the reflection. "Syo-chan. . ." Every time the voice speaks, it sounds more painful.

Syo crouches down, covering his ears and shutting his eyes. "Go away. Go away! Go away!!" he begs. "Please, just go away!!"

"Syo-chan. . ." the voice says again, now weeping. "Why. . ? Why did you leave me. . ? Why didn't you come save me. . ? I miss you. . ."

"Shut up! Shut up!! SHUT UP!!!" Syo screams. "JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!"

"Why?" the voice cries. "Why are you trying so hard to forget me?? Do you hate me that much?"

"JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!!!" Syo screeches, standing up and punching the mirror. The glass shards fly towards him, one coming very close in his sight.

*****

Syo falls to the floor. He quickly pushes himself up and looks around. "Another nightmare. . ." he mutters to himself. He slowly stands himself back up and looks at his clock. "Late again. . ." He sighs. "What's the point in going today?" He lies down on his bed, too awake to fall back asleep.

Every night is the same dream. Syo wakes up in the same place, gets off the same platform, goes to the same mirror, and sees the same eye staring back at him. Only this time, he had a little more freedom in his actions. He brings his right hand into his sight. It's still tingling from the contact to the mirror. A teardrop appears on his palm. Is he really crying? Now of all times?

God, he feels so pathetic.

Useless.

Weak.

Helpless.

Lonely.

"Natsuki. . ." he mutters, crying quietly to no one else but himself. "I'm so sorry. . . I'm sorry I couldn't save you. . ."

"Syo-chan. . ."

Syo's tears immediately stop. Was that really him? No, it can't be! He's. . .

"Syo-chan. . ."

Syo looks up to see what he wants to forget staring right down at him. "N-No. . ." he says. "Go away. Go away! Leave me alone!!" He backs away, quickly scanning the room, finding what he needs to stop this. He reaches and grabs it and covers up his left eye. Syo looks back to where the figure was standing, only to see that nothing is there anymore. He lets out a sigh of relief.

Syo waits around in his room until classes are over. When he hears the chatter and shuffles of students in the faint distance, he opens his door just a crack and quietly slips out. It's become easier to blend with the crowd ever since he stopped wearing his hat. He doesn't care about his height anymore. What's the point of trying to look taller nowadays? He takes a turn to the outside, and looks down at the green grass beneath him. 'Hopefully no one I know sees me—'

"Hey, Ochibi-chan."

Syo clenches his teeth and balls his hands into fists.

"Where were you today? You weren't in class."

"Why do you care, Ren?" he mutters.

Ren tries to get into view of Syo's face. "I thought you liked Ryuya-sensei's classes. What's with the sudden change?"

"Jinguji, please don't bother him too much."

Oh, great. Tokiya's here, too.

"Huh? Aren't you worried about Ochibi-chan as well?"

Tokiya sighs. "Yes, I am. However, it doesn't mean we have to butt into his life."

"I didn't even get that close to him," Ren argues. "Why are you acting as if I'm intruding on him?"

Their voices blur into one mesh in Syo's ears. His eyebrows furrow the more they talk about him. He grits his teeth. He tightens the grip of his fists. He wants them to stop. He wants them to stop. He wants them to—

"STOP IT!!!" he screeches, taking Ren by the arm and throwing him into Tokiya. The two fall to the floor from the great force. "I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU TALKING ABOUT ME!!!" A crowd begins to gather around them. "What kind of fucking stupid idea do you guys have thinking that it will help me of all people?! You don't know what the hell happened to me!! What gives you the right to think that whatever you're doing is helping me?!" He glares daggers into Ren and Tokiya's eyes. "I've had enough of all of you trying to 'help' me. Why can't you just leave me alone for once?"

"Kurusu," Tokiya says, "are you crying?"

Syo's sight is blurring, tears trickling down his cheeks. He turns around and pushes his way out of the crowd, hastily wiping his eyes dry. He runs and runs and runs.

Far away from Tokiya.

Far away from Ren.

Far away from Ryuya.

Far away from everyone.

Far away from everything.

Far away from him.

Syo finds himself back inside the school, back in the hallway where he and Natsuki were taken away. He couldn't take it. He couldn't take any of it. He just wanted to forget.

But everything.

Tokiya.

Ren.

Ryuya.

Every fucking thing.

They'll never let him forget.

They'll never let Syo forget that Natsuki is dead.

That he left Natsuki to die.

That he couldn't save Natsuki from dying.

And he hates it.

He hates himself.

He hates everything.

He just wants to forget.