carve me and my heart out

CHAPTER 1

see graphic info above ^

[ trigger warning: involves murder, graphic content. please be cautious when reading! ]

Cold was the afternoon. Outside, it was cold.

I didn't know what to do with the weapons in my hands.

I clutched the knife, clenching it repeatedly with my left hand until I felt the most comfortable grip I could have the object on. The four walls were barricading me away, barricading this scene away from everybody else to see. My head kept trickling with sweat, my heart was pounding in my chest, the pain in my heart was unbearable, my thoughts were in a marathon inside my head. It was a full-time madness within' me and I was more than ready to heave it all out.

I turned to her and she was crying. I observed around her to make sure that she wasn't attempting any escape from me.

“Please don't, she wouldn't want this—” She was pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic.

I didn't need her. So did she. She didn't need her. She was a nuisance to this society. How can such being survive in a very open and deadly surroundings? She was too unstable to be in this world, too fragile, all she knew about was to let her feelings get in the way of situations in the way of finding a solution for a problem.

It does not add up.

I have to eliminate her.

“STOP!” I screamed and covered two of my ears as I slightly crouched down.

“A-Are you o-okay? Y/N—” I pointed my pistol to her and that shut her up.

Her tears were waterfalls when they continued to stream down her cheeks. Her bloodshot red eyes were staring into mine and I hated the similarities we had, she was a mirror of what I was, but I was nothing like her. Her hands were trembling vigorously, her shirt was tattered and torn into pieces, there was a simplicity etched onto her aura, and it was the biggest indication that I was not her.

“Stop, stop,” I whined and shut my eyes for one second and re-opened them and surprised to see her still not striving to get away.

She leaned further into the wall, as if she was hoping it would suck her in. “Please, she doesn't want this. She didn't want you to turn out like this.”

I shot her a look and slammed the knife on the kitchen counter.

“What?!” I screamed irascibly. “She did not want me to..turn out like this?”

She nodded her head and I kept the gun pointed to her.

“No. She wanted me to be like this. Don't you remember what she told you? She told you..to stop..stop..stop being you!” I told her, it pained to remember what I should've forgotten.

The migraine began to overtake a portion in my head and I used my the back of my left palm to wipe away the beads of sweat on my forehead. The heat was intolerable for me because I was not used to it. I figured it was freezing cold outside while it was too warm here on the inside. It didn't take me long enough to know what to do to get rid of her.

“Y/N, please, don't kill—” I press my forefinger on the trigger, almost pulling it back.

“Those aren't good last words,” I said, nonchalant.

Her eyebrows knotted on the middle. “Uh, w-what?”

“Last words, so I know what to remember you for,” I told her, picking up the knife from the counter as I moved closer to her.

She gulped. “I don't wanna die, Y/N. Please. Don't let me die.”

I stopped once our bodies were against each other and her dark hair resembled mine and I despised every inch of her that existed. Her physical outcome was too much for me to see and I had to see her no more after this. The world contained much more than what she could bear to handle, so she was better off gone now than never. But her lips were tremendously trembling like her hands were, trepidation began to take over me and the heat kept rushing in my veins until it reached my hands.

The warmth.

I remembered the warmth.

Then I forcibly pressed the tip of the pistol below her chin and her patterned breathing was the only sound I could hear right at that moment.

“Last..words,” I commanded, ready to pull the trigger.

“Y/N, don't do this. I love her, you do too. I know, I believe you. But you can't kill me—” I pushed the tip of the gun to her chin and she flinched normally.

“I can. And stop..you're the reason why I exist, why I am here. You caused this,” I whispered to her at the same time I align the knife towards her stomach.

“And today's your last day on earth.” I plunged the knife deep into her abdominal parts and I twisted the knife to make her realize the physical pain more now. She gasped out loud into my ear and I watched her close her eyes shut. There was a part of me that wanted to look deep into her eyes to see how she was exactly feeling as I stuck the knife through her.

“I'm so-sorry, ugh, that you're here, I wish I did..not love her as much as I-I di-did, then you wouldn't be, uh, here—here.” She winced some more when I twisted the knife clockwise and she eternally cried as I plucked the knife out of her system, only to thrust it forward again.

“I'm—” I took out the knife, dropping it on the wooden floor. I stuck one of my fingers into the open wound on her stomach and I curled it in her for her to experience more of the pain that she deserved to go through. She needed this and I was gladly giving it all for her. You cannot live life without pain.

“—sorry.” Then I pulled the trigger.

She was finally dead.

[ a/n: this will be short, very short. hope you enjoy it :D ]