Why would such a thing exist?

"I swear I don't understand why I need to do this..."

"No, no, you just gotta, Tanuki!"

Why was Dassai so eager to see my reaction to a certain site called 'FanFiction'? Seems stupid to me... I sighed and looked at the other male. "Is this needed?" I asked. He nodded. "Yeah! I found some weird things about you, me and your old subordinates!" I chose to not remember my old subordinates at the mention of them.

"Hmpf... So, it's a site about stalkers?" I turned back at the computer screen. This is going to be very pointless but at the same time I can't help but to wonder what exactly did Dassai find about us or my subordinates?

He seemed to already have some story pulled up on the site... ...Well, whatever. I scanned through the story, from what was visible and noticed the pairing. "Tamazuki x Inugami...?" I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at Dassai. "Yeah! Trust me, it gets better." He snickered. I looked back at the screen and noticed the warnings. "Warning... Smut, yaoi and Mpreg- ...What's Mpreg?" I question. I don't even know what's 'yaoi' is but I chose to ignore that part. Dassai begun to laugh and told me to just read it already. I huff and begin to read it.

[Time skip]

"WHAT- NO- WHY-!?" This thing is horrible! Who in gods name would have me fuck Inugami...!? AND WHY DID HE TOP ANYWAY?

Dassai was already laughing to the point of tears. I hate him so much right now... "SERIOUSLY-!? THIS EXISTS?!" I yell. "Y-yeah!" Dassai managed to say between his laughs. "It gets worse for you!" He snickered.

I am now determined to see what else this damn thing has to offer... I begin to read more of it, despite already being deadly horrified. Scrolling down, it appears the story had a time skip in it to... Wait. What? No. Please stop. "WHY AM I PREGNANT!? MALES CANT EVEN GET PREGNANT!" My outburst causes Dassai to start laughing uncontrollably from once calming down.

"THATS WHAT MPREG IS!" He laughs. "BUT WHY- WHY ME AND INUGAMI!? I WOULD NEVER DO THIS! THEY NEED A PROPER LESSON OF HOW THINGS WORK...!" This is so wrong on so many different levels. I have had enough of this!

I exit out of the tab and Dassai whines. "Aw, it got even better! You didn't get to the part where you had your child!" He grins. "I DONT EVEN WANT TO SEE THAT! I AM NEVER READING ANYTHING YOU EVER SHOW ME AGAIN, DASSAI!" I growl.

[PART 2]

"TANUKI!~"

Oh for gods sake... "What is it now, Dassai?" I ask. He grabs me by my arm and starts dragging me into one of the rooms. "H-hey! What's the meaning of this!? Let me go!" What's gotten into him?! He didn't even say anything! "I gotta show you this! I found another weird story! But this time it's for us!" He snickered. Please no... Not this again...

Dassai quickly urges me to sit down in front of the laptop. "Please don't let this be anymore male pregnancies..." I mutter. Dassai laughs and shakes his head. "No, no, I didn't find anymore but I found this and it's even better!" He grins.

By better, I'm sure he means it's going to be a worse experience for me to read...

"Go, read it!" He's really impatient to see my reaction again... Well, lets see what this things even about since it has a summary.. "Lets see," I mutter. "After a long night of drinking with Dassai, Tamazuki being forced into going along with him..." This just already seems bad. "Warning... Smut, yaoi, drunks and... B-BDSM?!" I glare at Dassai who's trying not to laugh.

How the hell does he even find these things!? "S-seriously?! Do I have to read this?!" He nods. Ugh.. Faster I read this, faster it'll be done with...

[TIME SKIP]

"GNH- NO- WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ONE BOTTOMING-" I yelp. Dassai is already laughing his guts out. "W-why!? Th-This is even worse than the other one...!" Dassai tries to form words but all I could comprehend was: "K-keep going!"

I let out a shaky breath and continue to read. "He carefully untied the sash of the Tanuki's robe and tied his wrists together over his h- NO! PLEASE- GAH- WHY?!" I really don't want to read this anymore, this is even worse than what I've heard about 'Fifty Shades of Grey' or something like that!

"H-he slowly pushed away the folds of his robe... E-ex-" I scream in horror at this, I never drink and I wouldn't be... Aroused by this anyway! And I sure as hell won't ever drink after this! "It gets better!" I hear Dassai start gasping for breathe from laughing.

I swallow and scroll down a bit more.

I whine at what is now going on in the 'FanFiction'. "Y-you wouldn't really d-do this would you, D-Dassai?" I mutter, glancing over to him. He shakes his head and laughs slightly again from when he calmed down. "Aha.. Never would dream of it~." I sigh in relief. "I swear, you ever make me read another one of these..." I groan.

Dassai pats my back and grins. "Hey, if I find another one I will!"

"I DONT WANT TO READ ANYMORE OF THESE!"