Fire on Fire

They say that we're out of control and some say we're sinners

My mother said I'm too romantic, she always used to joke that I was a true romantic. Maybe she's right, everyone used to laugh at me. The comments trailed off as everyone started to get partners and I remained single. Sometimes, at night, these comments would run through my mind. She said, "You're dancing in the movies", and the younger version of me just laughed. I almost started to believe her. Maybe I was, I sort of outgrew the idea. I couldn't get a girlfriend, and in the rare occasion I could, I couldn't keep them. Then I saw you and I knew, maybe she was right. I suddenly wanted to do all these things with you, you were my midnight kiss on New Year's Eve, going on little trips. Suddenly, I wanted to be the guy out of the movies I used to watch. Maybe it's 'cause I got a little bit older, maybe this is the way you are supposed to go, when you are older. I suppose I'm not the young person I imagine I am in my mind. I surround myself with my friends, all of whom are younger than me. I can't kid myself that I'm still a teenager, I'm nearer thirty than twenty. Maybe it's all that I've been through, watching everyone fall in and out of love. It's a thin line, and all I want is to protect that line for us. I don't want this to end. I'd like to think it's how you lean on my shoulder, the way I whisper in you ear when no one is looking. Or is it the Instagram stories? Is it the cheeky trips away, and how I see myself with you?

I don't say a word, I don't need too. Words can't describe it. It might have been recent, but still, you take my breath and steal the things I know. You've changed me, everything I thought I knew. Everything I thought was true, you changed. I'm a different guy now, more relaxed about everything. It's nice waking up with someone else, and not just on my own. You light up my life, and I don't know how we got to this stage. Its more passionate than anything I've ever felt. I can only compare it to a rom-com, where I am locked outside, and you are the heroine, there you go, saving me from out of the cold. Instead of the guy, you are the knight in shining armour. You are my knight in shining armour.

In the semi-finals, people told us how much Chemistry we had together. That wasn't a secret, not to us. Our relationship was, except by that stage maybe it wasn't. Phillip tried to get it out of us in that interview, and there were other markers. There was a fire between us. Fire on fire would normally kill us. This much electricity between anyone would, probably, kill anyone else. There was that instant connection between us, regardless of the fact that you weren't single. But this much desire, together, we're winners, there was only one way this was going. And we both knew that from the first moment in training. They say that we're out of control, spending every waking moment together since you got back from Australia, we don't have any self-control. That we can't not be together. Maybe they think it's about the sex, some say we're sinners. That we shouldn't spend as much time as we do together, maybe they are right. Maybe it's not healthy, but don't let them ruin our beautiful rhythms, because when you unfold me and tell me you love me, and look in my eye, you are perfection. Maybe it won't last, you can't predict the future but at the moment this is how I envision the next year. You and I together, the only direction I want this to go is up. It's fire on fire.

When we fight, we fight like lions. We can be harsh, we can be downright cruel. But then we love and feel the truth, and that makes up for everything that is said. Words get forgotten in the moment, becoming buried for the rest of eternity. I'm not going to remember every cross word we will ever have. We get distracted during the fights, we lose our minds in a city of roses. It becomes just us, whatever might have happened to cause the fight gets forgotten. Nothing's more important than you and I. We won't abide by any rules, anything people think we should be doing. It's no one else's business, not our families, not our friends, not the press and, most certainly, not the public. We keep things private, or as private as we can. We won't abide to the rules place on top of us. I don't say a word, I don't need to. We feel the same way about things like this. But still, you take my breath and steal the things I know. It's hot, it's fierce and it's unpredictable. We let time guide us through the future.

We don't know what's going to happen next week. I couldn't have predicted this, I couldn't have predicted the chemistry between us. I'm glad that Seann and Katya got caught. We were able to hide in plain sight, only bringing it up to deny it when we did the 'Youngblood' reaction. The Anthony story passed pretty quickly, the press having something else to focus on. We were left alone, for the most part, until the tail end of the competition. By that point, we were seeing one another. Would be a bit awkward if we hadn't. Now I feel like a caged animal, everyone wanting a piece of me. A piece of us. It's unfair.

Its private, it's personal. It's no one else's business, I shouldn't have to feel the need to explain things to everyone. Maybe we would have kissed if we had won, maybe I wouldn't. We didn't win, so I was able to leave it at the picture. You are perfection, my only direction. By that point, everyone we cared about knew. When I watch us back, it's hard to miss?

Its fire on fire.