Reflections

Epilogue

"Time is an illusion" - Albert Einstein

Not even a minute ago, I was driving past oakwood forest, only a few above the limit. And now I stand, fear-stricken, over my own body.
Only my own body does not belong to me.

I try to distinguish the things that were different between us.
There was a surgery scar just a few inches below her collar bone, her heart.
Which is the only thing, that I lacked in terms of us being, very clearly, the same person?

I fell to my knees and placed two fingers below her jaw where her pulse should be.
Her pulse was hardly there.
Weakening by the second.
She was dying. I was dying.

Everything was a blur, I didn't know if minutes or hours have passed.
I don't remember getting in my car, only the ride.
I don't remember getting out of the car, either.
I only remember seeing her,
and then I was standing over her.
Over me-

I rose to my feet, and I ran. Past the trees, down towards the river bank.
Adrenaline keeping me going for what seemed like forever.

And I stopped dead in my tracks.
There was no river bank.
I was back where I started.
The girl. She was no longer lying on the ground.
I reluctantly walked to where I once stood over her.
Only a puddle of blood remained.

I closed my eyes and opened them several times. Hoping that I would just wake up from whatever twisted dream this was. Nothing seemed to work.

I heard the rumble of an engine, and I turned, blinded by the headlights of my own car.

The girl was now in the front seat.
She was no longer me.
Her smile was malicious and her eyes dull. Her hair was no longer light brown, the blood darkening her hair to nearly black.
She didn't blink. She didn't stop smiling. Its as if she was frozen, and so was I. The dying girl was no longer dying, but very much alive.
She pressed her foot down on the gas pedal, the tires screeching like they haven't been used in years.
the realization didn't set in quick enough- she was heading straight for me.
And still I couldn't move.

I tried to scream but I could not find my voice.
I threw my hands up, which did no good.
The car was not going to stop.
I let my arms down and prepared myself, in what seemed like the longest but almost the shortest time, to die.
It was as if time wasn't even there at all.

Darkness.

I opened my eyes. I was staring at myself in the mirror. I looked down, my hand grasping my heart. I loosened the grasp before my stitches ripped.

I was dressed in a hospital gown, an oxygen tank by my side.
I sighed deeply, remembering.

I turned the faucet on, cupping water in my hands and splashing my face.
Sleep deprivation is no joke when there are constant tests being run on you, daily vital checks and so on.
I wiped my face with the towel sitting right beside the sink. I looked at myself. I was not me anymore. I did not know the person standing before me, it was simply just a reflection. A reflection of everything I never thought I'd turn out to be.

I felt a sharp pain in my chest and I grasped my heart once more, momentarily forgetting about the stitches.
I gasped and looked down at my incision.
The stitches had not ripped.
It was disappearing.
Panic rose in me, and I screamed.
I screamed until my voice was gone, I panicked until my heart couldn't take anymore. It was gone. The mirror shattered.

Darkness.

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let me tell you a secret.

you are the only one who can take away the things that bring you pain, the things you wish you never had or wish you never were.
you cause yourself so much heartache over wishing things were different but don't do anything to change it.

You stare at yourself and you only notice the things that you hate.

and eventually the person in the mirror sees it too.
And they take it away.

That person in the mirror is you.
except its not.

Its simply just a reflection.
A person you no longer know.

when you break a mirror, you get seven years of bad luck.

but if you break yourself..
you will be unrecognizable.
no one will recognize you.
not even you.

a lifetime of bad luck.