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Today started off like any other day.  I had been working late into the night last night, so I got up later than the others - that was normal.  I ate breakfast and got ready for the day.

          But for some reason, it didn't feel right.  No, it wasn't like I had forgotten to do something, or one of the members was treating me differently.  Everything was normal.  I was sitting in the corner of the practice room while J-Hope and the maknaes goofed off in front of the mirror.  Jin was lounging in his room (which I share with him) and RM was working on something somewhere else.  I don't know what or where, that's just what he told us.  Actually, I've noticed that the vaguer he is about the piece he's working on, the better it is.  So I was holding out hope that that was the case. 

          But why didn't I feel right?  I didn't necessarily feel "wrong,"  but something was off.

          All of a sudden, V's voice cut into my musings.

          "SUGA! SUGA!" he chanted, his phone in my face.  The other three joined in.  Ugh.  I really didn't need this right now.  I leaned my head back against the wall and closed my eyes.  Please go away, I pleaded silently.  I opened my eyes slightly.  Jimin seemed to be watching me closely, and we locked eyes.  But as quickly as it had started, Jimin broke away, calling J-Hope, V, and Jungkook to witness whatever strange dance it was that he was doing.

          I felt my face heat up slightly.  I guess Jimin had recognized that I wanted to be alone.  But that wasn't really true.  I did want attention - just not the kind they were giving me. 

          But seriously - what was wrong?

          I got up.  The best thing to do when you are confused about how you feel is to write everything down.  Empty your brain.  You might find some hidden answers.  And, as an artist, it can help provide you with material for lyrics.  So I headed for the door, taking one last look at the others, wishing I was in a mood to be goofy.

          When I got to the door, I felt a tap on my back.  I turned around.  Jimin was standing at my shoulder with a concerned look on his face.  A quick glance showed me that the others were still being silly, not even noticing what was going on with Jimin and me.

          "Are you all right, Suga-hyung?" he asked.

          The question didn't surprise me.  Jimin is always looking out for how the other members feel, often disregarding himself in the process.  It lifted my heart.  And, although it hurt me to do this to him, it gave me enough strength to say, "I'm fine."

          He obviously didn't believe me, but he let me go.  I found myself warmed as I walked to my room, allowing myself to relax a bit in the comfort Jimin had brought to me.

          The thing is, one of the first lessons I've ever learned is don't let your vulnerability show.  Once others learn about it, they can exploit it and hurt you.  It had happened enough to me that even now, when I've been with the other members for a full five years and a lot of them even before that, I can't really open myself up directly to them.  I use my music to express myself, but that can't tell them how you're feeling now.

          I reached my room.  Upon entering, I found that Jin was no longer there.  I let out a sigh of relief.  At least I didn't have to pretend I was okay.