i really want to heal from what i have i'm living in a world which everyone seems like he is diffrent from me i mean like it's not my world my dreams are so far from reality here in this country i'm listning to things i don't even fucking know what it means from persons who don't understand me who don't understand what i'm feeling, and the worst thing is that even my parents are part of those category of persons i'm living in a world far from mine a world totally pushing me to get on a top of a long and high cliff ... no that doesn't exist i mean i'm crazy i know but i really want to jump from a damn bridge i want to talk with a person who can really understand me but i can't find him i couldn't find her i'm alone between a thousand of millions of persons totally diffrent from who i'm, i can't die, not now because i'm leading a battle which i have to fight for to know who i really fucking i'm i want to know, i really want to but everytime i want to go deep into my soul and seek for a reason why i'm living i just realize that i'm going far from my right way that i'm going to a way i know it's wrong but i keep going, why do i really have a choice ? well i don't know there is no one to tell me what to really do, i'm done from this i'm done from all i started drinking now and everytime i feel drunk i just feel like it's my rest from this shitty life but no this is wrong and i know that smoking weed is not good but i did and i'm doing it this is my life if i ever had one this is my world if i had one what should i do tell me you who are reading this no you cant because you are not like me you don't know how much i'm suffring seeing my last hope going far from me in front of my eyes seeing her moving on and me stuck in my mind remembering every single moment i passed happinly with her but now i have to think only of what i really i'm yes i lied i did find my lover i found the one but is she here to hear me talking now hell no i'm all alone i'm all lonely every single word negative i'm feeling it right now.
i'm really done, it was my last hope, she was my last hope and now all is diffrent all is upside down in my head in my mind and in my heart all is already broken i'm living a nightmare between thousands of sweet dreams which i could have since long time ago just dying make you happy sometimes, that thing i hate most is when you are obliged to laugh while you are totally broken that moment you know you are keeping your freinds knowing very well that they are your last hope of hangging in this life but you can tell no one of them what you really are during, this is life now this is my life now, laughing, playing, just to not feel completely alone outside because inside just god can know what i'm really living, i really have to talk with someone before it's too late life is refusing me torturing me, i want to end up, times and times i wanted it, but i can't do it', i can't just end my life like this because i have a family i have a mom and a father who will be really crazy after my death, will they ? how long ? it's hard to ask those questions knowing that they'll forget about you after few weeks ? months ? years ? all but not eternelly they'll live their lives normally without me, they'll remember me', but not always not like when i'm alive.
Well i think i'm getting insane from what i'm living but i'm really living this, why i just can't have a normal life why i can't live happily like others i'm i sick, i'm i diffrent from all well i don't want it.
