Instagram.

Depression

I took a deep breath sat in my room just finished crying, pale face and red puffy eyes siting at the edge of my bed, I hit record.

I sighed "this is going to look like such a manipulative video and I'm sorry for that" I took a huge breath in. "Three months ago I posted about being burnt out and a month I said I was fine and back to normal, a lot of you had called me out on not being as happy in my videos and you're right" I said not making eye contact and fidgeting.

A few tears rolled down my cheek "I'm really fucking burnt out guys I'm so fucking broken and life is kicking my ass" I started balling my eyes out as Alex walked in he rushed to my side and hugged me.

I cried into his arms "I deserve this Alex" as those words fell out of my mouth he hugged me tighter "Janessa no you don't you're perfect you don't know deserve this at all and I'm gonna be here every step of the way to help you" he said looking straight into my eyes.

"Janessa you've tried to hide it but we all knew the truth, we look at you and see how broken you are. Through all the laughs and smiles everything I wanted to help you so bad but I didnt want you to push away and get worse" He said and my heart could help but ache.

"Janessa" he whipped a tear away "Don't hold this in I'm always gonna be here you're not alone and I'm gonna do everything I can to help you in life and you wont be a burden" as the words fled his mouth I cried so hard.

"Alex every time I think I'm out it pulls me back in and i hate it so fucking much" I screamed the last part my heart ached "I put myself in the situations to get hurt and I don't learn from it Alex I'm sorry you have to deal with me" I continued to ugly cry in his arms.

"Look at me" He said so i held myself together and looked at him. "You are stronger then you think this will pass and I promise its going to be, it may be really fucking hard and hurt a whole lot but I'll help you get better. Janessa I'm going to be here till the end and I know you feel at rock bottom and like everything cant get worse and it does but it wont anymore I promise you this Nessa you aren't alone" He said and for once I felt I had safety.

"Thank you Alex" was all i could spit out. "Okay guys so this didnt turn out how i wanted I'm not gonna edit this or anything raw truth guy i love you guys so fucking much" I say and stopped the video I added a title and uploaded it.

I laid down in my bed face up and Alex sat beside me "You know what I said was true right?" I sighed "MHM" i answered Alex then kissed me "I love you so much and i hate seeing you like this" I looked at him in total shock.

"Janessa will you be my girlfriend these past 9 months have been amazing and i wouldn't want anyone else" as he said that my heart jumped he was giving me hope and for once i wasn't given false hope "Yeah Alex I will" i said and hugged him.