Crushes, weirdos and the little things

Braces

I'm not used to smiling widely. The tight lipped half smiles though, them I have down to a pat. Mum picked me up early from school yesterday and then I sat forever in a chair as my dentist pried the braces off my teeth. It felt so weird not to have them anymore. My teeth are smooth and straight, my lips don't have to strain to cover ugly metal railing and I'm sure my weight dropped a ton or something. She had me smiling for the camera as soon as we got home. Another awkward photo, baring my teeth, as if I don't know how to smile.

There are butterflies in my stomach. Sally and Noomi are walking towards the bus stop, both looking at their phone. It gives me a few more moments to collect myself. Noomi glances up in my direction as they both stop in front of me.

"Hey Sophie." My lips automatically cover my teeth as I give her a small welcoming smile. Sally looks up and her eyes go wide with epiphany.
"Oh, that's right! Your braces are gone! Come on, give us a smile!" They both have goofy grins on and I can't stop myself. Laughter bubbles up from inside me and my modest teeth-hiding smile becomes a full wide grin. "Oh, you're gorgeous!" Sally wraps her arms around me and squeezes tight. Noomi is too busy documenting the occasion on Snapchat, but I can tell from her smile that she feels the same way.

Stepping off the bus at school has them each grabbing one of my arms and proudly marching me towards our classroom. It's all so silly and perfect that I can't stop smiling and giggling. I feel an older version of me sliding into place, one I haven't used since before my braces. She's a little more in every respect, more loud, more brave, more conscious, just more.

My parents told me that braces wouldn't matter when it comes to how people saw me, but they did! So I changed into a more subdued version of myself to fit the image I was given by everyone. I know I shouldn't care about things like that, but what 16 year old feels confident enough to not be influenced by peer pressure? But now I'm back, with a killer smile to go with the real me. Mrs Jones looks slightly exasperated when Noomi, Sally and I are giggling in the back. We used to be a lot more quiet only yesterday.

I had hoped the real reason I had butterflies in my stomach this morning would have been forgotten. When I first got my braces my best friends were relentless in their asking about who my crush was. I had felt awkward and upset about the whole metal-in-my-mouth thing and had asked them to drop it until my braces were removed. Since they hadn't said a thing about it all morning I assumed it was forgotten, but in our way to the class before lunch Noomi stops in her tracks and looks at Sally. "Oh my god."
Sally immediately catches on. "Oh. My. God." They both turn to me and I feel my palms going slick with sweat. "You have to tell us. You have to tell us who your crush is, Sophie."
"I... I don't..." The corridor is full of students, walking, talking, laughing and arguing. No one really notices us standing outside the door to the library, but it still feels like everyone is listening to what we say.
"Oh, come one." Sally tilts her head and gives me a small smile. "It's not like anyone can overhear us in this racket."

I really don't want to tell them.

Not because I'm ashamed of who I like or anything, but because I like no one knowing. It's a bit of me that only I know. And I know that when they know they'll be all embarrassing and try to have the two of us go on dates and things. And do I really want that? Noomi grabs my arm. She's too loud for my comfort, even in this crowd someone is bound to hear. "Tell us who your crush is!" I bite my lower lip and gather my courage.

A couple of boys from our class show up from nowhere. Tom and Ali are discussing today's Geography assignment and Noah, beautiful Noah, ignores me as usual and instead gives my best friends a cheeky wink. "It's me."
Sally and Noomi laugh. He always makes us laugh, mine always a tad more nervous in character. I can't laugh this time. Not when he's speaking the truth. My heart constricts and my stomach flips and I want the floor to open up and swallow me whole.

The bell calls for us to make our way to History, Ali turns to Sally about the Geography assignment and everything about my crush seems forgot. It takes me a hundredth of a second to collect myself, I tuck my hair behind my ears and then hurry my step to not fall too far behind. Noah turns his head to look at me when I catch up to them. I meet his eyes, but neither of us smile.