Little Virgin's Dark Secret

chapter 1- Dawn Dreaming

PAGE 2

Again after my "exit" to all the heaviness I am now in deep thoughts while soaking my body into the tub with my favorite apricot and honey body wash.. Until now I am still a stranger to my self. I can never imagine my self capable of having such dark and wild imagination about sex. Secretly lusting of actually doing it with the man I love. Yes, I have morbid thoughts about having wild sex when I am in that mode of fulfilling my lust and fierce desire but after reaching my climax, letting out the pending pain for pleasure it feels neutral again. My life is neither dull or exciting. Everything is in a safe zone. What will I do? I can't afford to have my parents go disappointed over me. Being the baby girl in the family my two brothers are very protective over me and my dad and mom is extremely supportive with that as they do not want me to follow my older sister's scandal. She never showed interest with our family's business but instead she took up fashion and art in Paris..travel around..partying..going home late if she's here..caught up having sex in her room and so much more to tell. I admire her,  I always do. She was always bold to what she wants, get it in every means. She lives her life to the fullest. Her life is full of adventure but mine? I always understand my parents reasoning what they are asking me to do is for my own good..that they ask me to do this and not to do this because they cared for me. I live not for myself but for them. That ends up me living a neutral life..Not happy nor sad. I always express my feelings to poems and music. Poems and music I hide from everybody's eyes. As if someone cares and I never have to let anyone know for my grunts about life..Everyone has it's own burden why add to theirs? Right?