Jerry Seinfeld was just watching some TV late at night when the door banged open and his BFF Kramer walked in with a really really REALLY big spoon.
"Hey, do you have some ice cream?" He asked, his voice unnaturally low making jerry ponder his existence.
"Only vanilla," Jerry licked his lips slowly.
"Mmmmm" Kramer yawned and dug through Jerry's fridge. "So watcha watching?"
Jerry shrugged as Kramer sat next to him on the couch. "Shrek 2."
"Oh yasssss that's my favorite movie," Kramer said and sat next to Jerry on the couch.
That's when Jerry noticed something very queer about his friend. "Hey, why are you covered in blood? And why are you not wearing clothes!?" Jerry exclaimed as he jumped 666 feet away from Kramer and his bod.
Suddenly Kramer turned to look at him with a gaze so intense, that his legs began to noodle like shoelaces on a hot summer day. Then he grinned widely and started laughing maniacally. Jerry froze.
No. No. Nonononononono this was not right. THIS WAS NOT RIGHT!!!
"KRAMER WHAT THE HECK!?" He screamed and pointed at Kramer. Behold, the sight that lay in front of him was stunning and horrifying at the same time. Blood was dripping from Kramer's sharp fangs. And suddenly he started sparkling so brightly that Jerry had to go and get some shades.
"YOU'RE A VAMPIRE!!!" He screamed as Kramer advanced closer and closer on him, his fangs glistening under the pale moonlight.
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Elaine didn't want to be woken up by Jerry Seinfeld at 3 AM in the morning, but that's what happened.
He was standing breathless in front of her doorway as if he had been running, running away from something...
"What is it?" Elaine asked, a hint of annoyance and crippling depression in her voice.
"IT'S KRAMER!" Jerry spat out.
Elaine helped him onto her couch and went to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. "Jerry, you need to calm down. Just take a few deep breaths and tell me what happened."
Jerry put his face in his hands and said, "Kramer's a vampire." His shaky voice came out muffled. "I think he killed someone,"
Elaine burst out laughing and almost dropped her mug. "What are you on right now? Did Newman give you something?"
"Please Elaine you have to believe me." Jerry's eyes were teeming with large salty tears as he broke down sobbing in front of her.
"Whut?" Elain said but suddenly the door banged open and there stood Kramer.
"AHAHAHHHHHHHHRGHHGHHHHHHHHHH1!!1!!!1111" Jerry yelled and ran into the bathroom. Blood was dripping from Kramer's fangs but Elain still didn't buy it. "Kramer what the hell are you doing here!?" But she froze at what stood behind him.
Towering above them in all his glorious glory, stood Shrek, the divine god. "It's all ogre now," Shrek said and laughed his bing ogre laugh.
Elaine screamed.
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YOU ARE READING
Kramer's Shrektastic Secret- A SEINFELD/SHREK CROSSOVER (trash fanfic)
RandomJerry never expected Kramer to be a vampire with a sexy ogre friend, but that's just how his life goes. Soon, everyone he loves, George, Newman, and Elaine are threatened by the man they once thought was their friend. WILL THEY MAKE IT OUT ALIVE...
