taking a deep breath in, i raised my balled up fist up in the air and knocked on the white colored, wood door three times before taking a step back. there was commotion behind the door and i could dissect jason's voice as muffled words slipped from his mouth as he talked with another person; their voice deeper letting me assume that it's his father.
seconds later footsteps came closer to the door that was separating me from seeing jason and being in his presence. the door knob jiggled, a lock loudly turning before the smooth wood was yanked open.
"justin, you came!" jason smiled as he appeared in the doorway. stepping aside, he ushered me inside and out of the cold, "come in, come in!"
stepping forward, i flashed him a small smile as i brushed past him and inside the modest house. kicking my shoes off, i shrugged off my coat and taking it from me, jason hung it on a hook that was attached to the wall with a screw.
jason's fingers had hair wrapped around my wrist when an older man pocked his head around the corner of the fall, the smell of something delicious filling my nostrils, "hi, you must be justin. i've heard a lot about you, son."
clearing my throat, i fought the blush that was threatening to crawl up my cheeks at his words, "hello," i replied in a timid voice, the feeling of jason's fingers wrapped around my right wrist not totally gone, "it's nice to meet you, sir. and thank you for letting me spend christmas with your family."
coming fully out of the kitchen, he simultaneously wiped his hands on a kitchen towel, "of course. the more the merrier and extra company is always welcomed, especially around the holiday time." a large smile decorated his face and as i looked at the grown man standing before me, i could very well see where jason got his good looks.
of course nothing was for certain as his mother seemed to be out of the picture, but nevertheless you could very well see that jason had his fathers eyes and the dirty blond hair color.
"if you don't mind, dad," jason spoke up for the first time in the past ten minutes, stepping forward, my hand moving along with his movements, "but we'll go now. call us if you need anything."
chuckling, his father merely shook his head as he slowly returned back inside the kitchen, "keep the door open jason!" his called out as jason began the trek upstairs, presumingly to his room.
grumbling something under his breath, i let jason pull me up the stairs and inside his room. defying his father, jason lightly shut the door before flopping back down on his bed.
[. . .]
jason and i were deep in a discussion about books that we've read — the ones that we have loved, hated and re read, when a deep, man's voice cut through our deep conversation; startling the both of us. jason jumping five feet in the air as his fathers hand came down on his shoulder.
"jesus, dad," jason heavily breathed out, clutching his chest.
"oh don't be so dramatic," mister mccann chuckled as he stared down at his son; his eyes the same blue color as jason's. "and i came up here to call you boys down for dinner. i've been calling you both for the past five minutes," he turned around, heading for the door, his hand on the door knob. but something within me told me that he won't be closing the door, and his words confirmed that, "and what did i tell you about the door, jason?"
looking back at his son, mister mccann gave jason a hard stare — one that was stern but didn't mean that you're in trouble. my father never gave me that look. the only look he had for me was one of annoyance.
"o-p-e-n," he spelled the word out letter by letter.
once mister mccann had disappeared from the doorway, jason rolled his eyes. pressing his palms against the floor, he pushed himself up. standing on his feet, jason extended his hand for me to take and pulled me up on my feet.
dinner with the mccann's wasn't as awkward as i had expected. matter of fact as we sat by the dining table, i felt content. i couldn't find it in me that it was wrong in anyway. but as we each cracked a joke and mister mccann — or james, as he had told me to call him — embarrassed jason by telling stories about when he was little, i couldn't shake this feeling of dread off of my back.
in one moment when i had looked over at jason's sister — julia — and how she was practically snuggled up to her cheating boyfriend, as jason had mentioned that sheer little fact weeks ago, i couldn't stop my heart from skipping a beat and this weird feeling surfacing within me.
surely it's still not too late to pull out and surely i haven't gotten too attached to jason... right?
it doesn't matter that i might think about jason on nights when it's well past midnight, nearing the early hours of the morning, and i'm laying wide awake in my bed — staring up at the white ceiling in my room. it doesn't matter that his clear blue ocean eyes are all i see when i close mine. and it doesn't matter that i have envisioned us together in the near future — holding hands... going on cute dates...
it all doesn't matter because in the end people like me don't get happy endings, especially with people like jason mccann's of the world.
*** the end is near
ALSO would y'all either read
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or
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