Stained Faith

Chapter 4

After that day nothing changed. We pretty much never even talked about it. I didnt wanna mention it and make everything weird but he never said anything about it either. He never tried flirting or he never even told me he liked me. It was as if it never happened..
It didn't change anything either we still kept on talking as usual. As time went on I kept on getting more and more attached. He became the reason why i wanted to wake up in the morning, the reason why i wanted to rush back home from school. All i wanted was talk to him, it was as if nothing else mattered and it was just us.
It felt like nothing changed but i think it just naturally happened on its own, without us even trying. In the beginning I thought maybe he was joking, he never even actually said he liked me, but when i go back and read our messages. He didnt need to say it, it was the little things that said it all. How he cared about every little thing, how he payed attention to every detail, how he never got bored of my nonstop talking and complaining, how he always knew if something was wrong, how much he hated even just the idea of me crying.

If anyone else ever saw our conversations they'd probably think we're really crazy or that there is something wrong with us. We had a unique way of talking, to others it would seem weird. I know that as a fact because it actually happened. I had finally told one of my best friends who is also my cousin Rabia. I remember sitting in her room, I was texting Samir as usual when my cousin walked back into her room. She looked at our messages and said oh god Samiha he is so rude, you should stop talking to him. I dont like him, dont talk to him. I think thats when it started me slowly not trusting even my best friends who grew up with me. We became very distant, i always knew she kept secrets from me but that never stopped me from telling her mine because i always expected her to understand. Isn't that what best friends do? Arent they always suppose to support you with your decisions even if you fail, stay by yours side and help you go through it? But i knew even if i explained that she wouldnt understand. Not anyone gets it you know, it may seem as if he was rude but thats just the way we joked around.

Our conversations were so silly and sometimes we would talk as if we were role playing or something. Act as if we were living together, neighbors... Literally talk as if we're right there. And I believed in it.. that even if it was not now, that eventually we would end up together. I knew i was doing something wrong/haram, we even tried to stop a couple times. It would always be the same, we'd talk for nonstop hours saying we're not gonna talk afterwards. We use to say goodbye and i remember saying to him once, "you better not forget me." He had replied: "Don't worry about that, you know its easy to forget someone who you've meet but didnt talk to, but it's not easy forgetting someone you've actually talked to even if you havent meet."