Overdose

May contain triggers. Read at own discretion.

Banana Fish Angst Week 2019 Day 1 Prompt: Death

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The dreams start almost immediately.

Night after night.

They linger in front of Eiji's eyes as he opens them.

Sometimes he finds himself reaching out to the phantom that isn't there. Sometimes, he blinks away the tears he's shed. And every time, Eiji takes a moment to remember. To let the dull ache filter and fade away before getting up and starting his day.

It takes Sing a week to notice. A week for Eiji's eyes to form those saggy bags from lack of sleep.

"Too much work at the gallery?" Sing asks as he drops his keys on the counter by the door.

Eiji smiles, he knew Sing would notice sooner or later. Sing has always been the first to notice for some reason. So there was no point in lying. "I started dreaming about Ash again... since I open the box with the pictures."

Sing pulls out one of the table chairs and sits down. "I thought displaying Ash's picture at your show was because you were ready?"

Eiji grabs a small spoon and starts stirring his tea. "I thought so too. I thought I was..." he takes a small sip. It tastes like nothing. "When I saw that empty wall at the gallery. The first thing I thought of was Ash and that picture I took so long ago." Eiji puts the tea down, adds a cube of sugar and starts stirring. "I remember waking up and seeing him sitting there. It wasn't the first time, he loved sitting on the window and just staring at the city. He didn't notice me watching at first-not sure if he heard me grab the camera-he didn't look at me until the it made the click. I remember-" Eiji gulps. "I remember his eyes finding me, I remember him smiling. He always smiled when he saw me. He asked me if I wanted him to pose..." Eiji stops stirring, eyes watching the liquid swirl.

"He posed for it." Sing finishes.

Eiji nods. "It's been seven years-" Eiji catches himself, blinks tears without realizing. "Perhaps I still wasn't ready." Eiji pushes the cup away and wipes the tears with the back of his sleeve, his appetite gone. "If seven years is not enough. How long will I have to carry this still?"

Sing doesn't respond right away. He lets Eiji take his time as he wipes the still falling tears. "Perhaps you should see Dr. Bergman again." He suggests.

Eiji nods. "Perhaps. I'll wait another few days to see if the dreams stop. If not, I'll make an appointment."

"She said relapsing is normal, remember?"

"Yeah..."

"I know it's a bad time, but my semester is over in a few weeks. I wanted to stay closer to campus, but if you want me to stay here with you-"

"Don't be silly," Eiji interrupts. "Your apartment is right next to campus. You can't spare the time. I'll be fine. I have tons to do at the gallery to keep me busy and we can still meet over the weekend. I'll call you if I need anything, you know I always do."

"I know." Sing forces a smile, his voice drifting between them. Unconvinced.

The soft pitter patter of paws clack through the kitchen. Buddy comes around the table and rests his head on Eiji's lap. His big eyes watching his master as he releases a soft whine. Eiji smiles warmly as he pets the dog's head gently. He wasn't alone. He'll be fine. This was a small relapse. It would fade.

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The phone rings and rings. Eiji shakes his head as he touches his forehead. The pulsing headache making his eyes twitch. "Hello?" he mumbles into the receiver, not even bothering to put the phone on speaker.