To the woman i become...
You almost gave everything you have. You chose to understand, to care, to give everything he wants.
In the end, you were hurt. You were drained. You were consumed emotionally, physically, and mentally wondering where you went wrong.
What you did was to catch up, to cheer him up especially those times he was on his downfall. You were there and you never left even if there were many reasons offered for you to leave. But you chose to stay. You chose to be with him along the way.
When he succeeded, you were very happy like it was also your success!
You were very proud of what he became despite of the negativities he went through, where you stayed. He became successful, you were so happy for him. Again, you almost forgot yourself just to be with him during his successful days.
Time comes when you were the only one trying to work things out. He was cold, bored, and seems not interested in you anymore.
You were there, wondering, what have you done? What did you lack? He had your full loyalty. But why? Why was he like that? Why was he acting like you don't exist?
There you were, trying to make it up to him, asking him what's the problem, yet all you got was "none. Maybe I was just tired." And you understood. You chose to understand him. Again. Despite of feeling empty.
You were very stressed during those moments because work is digging you up and when you tried to reach out to that person whom you knew who can actually ease your pain, he was like, "it's okay. You'll get over it."
Why?? Don't you matter to him anymore? You never left him during those times he was empty yet there you were, feeling empty and he wasn't there to help you get up like you did to him.
That time you realized you don't deserved that kind of treatment. You knew your worth. You tried to clear things up but it's still the same. You're still the one hurting.
You finally came to the point that you don't want to be treated like that anymore. You decided to end it and things where just perfectly exposed along the way.
You figured out things. People opened up to you and you were very shocked that he was capable of doing those stupid things to you despite of your loyalty and love.
You were angry, sad, pained, doubtful, all at the same time. Plus work was really stressing the hell out of you. Damn. You were very strong to handle that.
You told him about what you knew and he admitted it. Too late. It's too late to fix things up. You don't deserve to know it from others. He was too stupid to keep things from you. To do immoral acts behind your back while you, you almost forgot yourself just to be with him, just to catch up with him, just to make it up to him.
He begged for you to stay. He promised to change everything just for you to stay. But that was not enough. You were so wise to leave him behind. To leave him for good!
As time goes by, you always woke up with a heavy, very heavy heart. You were totally consumed emotionally, physically, mentally. There were days where you just want to sleep all day, all night, just to get rid of the feeling. You were very sad and depressed. Work, people, doubts, and stress were the things that made you feel at your lowest those times.
Later on, when you were still feeling down, you figured out he was courting someone new. A part of his past. Then there you were, questioning yourself, "Am I that easy to forget? Easy to be changed? Did he really cared for me?"
The pain you felt doubled. Nope. Tripled actually. You were like a walking dead. You cannot function well. You don't want to go to work, to talk to people, to get off your bed. You were miserable. He made you feel miserable.
You keep on asking yourself about what you did to deserve feeling miserable? To deserve that kind of pain?
You felt every bit of that pain for quite a long time already. You tried reaching out to people. You tried to make new friends just to at least ease the pain. Just to have someone to talk to.
Then one day, you realized everything again. You evaluated yourself. You want to be happy again. You deserve to be happy again!!!
Thinking that although it's hard to give, forgiveness is the cure. They say everything happens for a reason, then so be it. You cannot undo life anyway. You tried to give them your forgiveness.
You figured out that you don't want to stay feeling miserable because YOU REALLY DO DESERVE TO HAVE A PEACE OF MIND.
