It's 1 AM in the morning at nakatingala ako sa kalangitan na puro bituin habang iniintay ang mensahe ni Franco, the guy I met on the internet exactly a month ago. I never really liked him, mas'yado s'yang misteryoso at napakatipid magreply kaya hindi ko rin alam kung bakit umabot ng isang b'wan ang pag-uusap naming dalawa.
Franco:
Kakauwi ko lang, eh. Sorry.
Nagtipa ako ng sasabihin habang nakangisi. Hindi ko alam, bakit parang 'pag kausap ko s'ya, ibang-iba ako sa ako talaga. Masaya naman s'ya kausap, mature at alam kong malaki ang respeto. He is very different from the guys I dated—guys I used to love.
Me:
Musta ka naman?
There's a gut that I want to prolong our conversation, pero minsan, 'di ko alam kung pa'no. Pero kahit 'di ko gawin 'yon, s'ya na ang gumagawa kahit sa pagkakaalam ko, ayaw n'ya na pinapahaba ng sobrnag haba yung usapin about sa iisang topic.
Franco:
Ayos lang.
My brother wants to watch a movie this upcoming Saturday. I just want to propose something.
Nagtakha ako at nagtaas ng kilay at muling nagtipa.
Me:
Huh? Bakit sa'kin mo sinasabi? Ano kinalaman ko r'yan?
I bet he is scratching his nape. Ayaw n'ya sa slowpoke kaya that's something I can do to provoke him.
Franco:
Don't be dumb. Hindi ko naman sasabihin na "I just want to propose something" If it wasn't for you. Call nga kita, Helena. Pft.
He did not gave me any chance to even type; He called me right away in which I picked up. He cleared his throat before speaking.
"So, ayun, Helena. Gusto sana kitang ayain para magkita tayong dalawa. Would that be alright?" Aniya sa kabilang linya. Kahit ga'no pa s'ya nagk-kwento saakin ng buhay niya at kung sino s'ya, hindi ko maiwasan na magdalawang isip sa sinasabi n'ya. Who knows, this guy might be someone who isn't safe at all.
"Pag-iisipan ko pa," banggit ko. Tumawa siya na nagpatawa sa'kin. He is more than a friend for me, more than a mutual, and more than I can even imagine.
"What for? You don't trust me well, do you?" He asked. His husky voice made my spine tingle and there I know, this is definitely something way beyond friends...for me, at least.
"It's not that I don't trust you. I am an overthinker, alam ko namang aware ka r'yan. I don't want my expectation to fail. What if you are not the guy you seem to be?" Sabi ko. There's a pause, a second or two. I even checked the line kung ni-end n'ya ba kasi na-turn off na s'ya sa pinagsasabi ko.
"There's nothing wrong with trying, honestly. But, I promise you that everything I showed and made you feel, Helena, it was all true. I am the guy who I seem to be," aniya gamit ang mas seryosong tinig. His voice made my cold night even more colder.
"But if my words does not make you believe, you have to see me, then. Pero 'pag kinita mo ako, you have to break the barrier you've set—that I am someone not trustworthy,"
"I said, it's not like, I don't trust you—"
"Helena, listen. Kung nagd-dal'wang isip ka, it means you really don't trust me. Kung mayroon man, hindi sagad 'yan because you are doubting me as a person,"
It left me dumbfounded and wasn't able to answer for a good five seconds or so. Natawa na lamang siya at 'yong tawa na 'yon ang nagpabalik sa katauhan ko.
"Ano ba ang nakakatawa d'on, Julius Franco?!" Bulyaw n'ya.
"Ay, ay, ay, nako. H'wag mong gamitin 'yang buong pangalan ko. I am smitten for you but trust me, I am also starting to doubt you. Kung alam mo lang kung pa'no ako nasaktan sa ginawa mo," aniya.
The conversation went on and we settled everything. Wala akong masabi kundi "Baka", "Siguro", at "Sana". Kasi talagang hindi pa ako sigurado. Ilang araw n'yang sinusumbat sa'kin kung pa'no s'ya nasaktan dahil pinapakita ko lang daw na may tiwala ako pero pinagdududahan ko rin siya.
Dumating yung araw ng Sabado. Well, I never intend to go, but I am going to try. Sinabi naman n'ya kung saang mall at sinabi n'ya kung ano ang suot n'ya. Nagsuot ako ng simpleng damit at nag-taxi na papunta sa mall.
Linga ako nang linga dahil baka mamaya, nasa harapan ko na pala s'ya, hindi ko pa alam at matuklaw na ako ng ahas. Naglakad ako patungo sa isang coffee shop, at pinagpapatuloy ang paglinga. Hindi ko rin alam kung hihilingin ko ba na makita ko s'ya...pero parang gano'n na nga yung gagawin ko.
Umorder na ako at inintay na matawag ang mga customers. Bitbit ang order ko na kape, pumunta ako sa may bintana at umupo. As I am drinking on my coffee, nag-view lang ako ng mga pinopost nila sa Facebook. Ilang my day ang lumagpas bago ko nakita 'yong my day ni Franco.
My heartbeat went so fast. Mabilis na para bang sumakay ako ng scream tower at bigla itong bumaba. Yung feeling na bumagsak ang puso, gano'n na gano'n ang nadama ko kasi...nasa background ako ng selfie ng kan'yang kapatid.
Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko at luminga sa likuran, sa gilid at pagtingin ko sa harap, I saw this guy. A guy with a clean cut hair, black polo shirt, medyo maskulado at pabango na medyo matapang pero 'di masakit sa ilong. Ngumiti siya at nilahad ang kan'yang kamay. Mahigpit akong napahawak sa telepono ko.
"Hey, doubtful Helena. The name is Franco and I am here to prove your doubts wrong," aniya. His smile got tattooed on my heart and it is something I would never forget. Inabot n'ya ang kamay n'ya sa'kin.
"Baka naman gusto mong kamayan ako. Or maybe you are starstucked. Crush na crush ako, ah!"
I rolled my eyes, "The name is Helena. Buti naman at nagkita na tayo, Franco,"
