Sad Truths- A Collection Of (very) Short Stories/poems

#2

A/N I feel like crap today, so, congrats! Another story that hits way too close to home when I reread it during the editing process. I'm Not Okay (I Promise). Nobody got that reference, but I'm fine.

"They said 'If you don't let it out, you're gonna a let it eat you away.'"

I lay in my bed, restless, yet exhausted. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, it happens every night, after all. I don't think that I'll ever get used to it, I don't think it will ever stop either. I'm pretty sure I will still be dealing with this when I'm eighty. That is, unless everyone who cares is gone by then. Goodness, I really hope they aren't. They're the only thing stopping me from ending it. The universe dealt me a great hand, but I don't know the rules of the game. I don't know how to use my cards, but I feel like I'm wasting them if I don't use them. I try to tell myself that everything happens for a reason, but it feels like I'm being ungrateful when I say that, I don't want to be here. "They said 'If you don't let it out, you're gonna let it eat you away.'" But, if I let it out I'm either putting my problems on someone else or I'm wasting money. This society has taught me two lessons. The first, if you have any sort of privilege, hide it. Even if you just want to help people with it, you're viewed as a spoiled child. You might as well be an eight year old with an iPhone X. You're spoiled and you aren't capable or deserving of love that isn't attached to material items. You either will be happy, and seen as a bad person, or unhappy and seen as a bad person thats, not quite as bad as the first person. If you aren't a minority you're a bad person. The second lesson that society taught me is that you can't trust anyone. "Don't give that homeless person on the street money, they're just going to spend it on drugs or booze." Did you know that nearly half of all marriages end in divorce and more in separation? Well, they do, and my parents were part of that statistic, but oddly enough, that's not the main reason that I don't trust easily. I've never trusted anyone, fully. I'm always gonna be hiding something from every. Single. Person. I. Know. I've just learned to accept it. There must've been something that happened when I was a kid that stopped me from trusting. I don't have a clue what it is. I hear a knock on my door and am quickly pulled out of my thoughts, I notice a steady stream of tears flowing down my face as I subconsciously claw at my wrists. I quickly dry my eyes and say "Come in". My sister opens the door and asks if I've fed the dog today. I quickly tell her no and say goodnight. I sigh. At least she didn't ask if I was okay.
{485 words (Not including A/N)}