What's a lil' bit of hunger?

Intro & chapter 1

  Given the content of this fic, I probably had far too much fun writing it. I wanted to practice writing Rosa and Amy and explore how they'd react when one of them developed an eating disorder. I tried to portray Rosa as the secret sweetheart she is, while also trying to convey her uncertainty of how to react and handle the situation because she is generally not great with emotions or feelings, but she wants to help her friend. I toyed with the idea of the roles being reversed, but I kind of love soft Rosa (I can imagine Rosa doing awful things to Amy if she found out Rosa had an ED), and plenty of Amy's characteristics play in my favour with it this way around. I'm basing Amy's thoughts, feelings, and behaviours (regarding the ED) off my own when I suffered from Anorexia with Bulimic tendencies. I don't focus on the ED itself, rather more their relationship and how it develops.

With that said, please look after yourselves & don't read it if it might trigger you. Each chapter has the letters TW (Trigger Warning) and then a list of what that chapter contains that could be triggering. Please be safe & if anyone needs to talk don't be afraid to reach out to me on Tumblr (theb99fangirlnextdoor)

Other than that, enjoy and leave feedback, so I know how to improve :)

NB: I'm British, we spell things differently in UK English vs American English.

Prompt: We work in a police force full of dudes. We got to have each other's backs, okay?

Chapter 1

TW: Strong language, References to eating disorders (especially anorexia in this ch), a detailed description of a severely underweight body, talk of self-hate, side effects (mainly being cold all the time for now), talk of severe calorie restriction, etc.

Detective Amy Santiago was used to working late, in fact, she enjoyed it. It was always quiet, and it provided her with ample opportunity to catch up on her paperwork after a busy week. She stood up from her desk, rolled blanket in one hand, files in another as she made her way through to the break room, knowing the night shift crew would arrive soon and whoever was replacing her would need her desk. Shutting the door with her foot, Amy placed the files on the table, turned on the space heater and slumped into an old worn chair, pulling the blanket across her lap as she began to work.

"Santiago!"

Amy jumped, causing her hand to slip across the page. Amy growled. "You've just ruined my work-" Amy trailed off and smiled nervously as she spotted the familiar shadow of Detective Rosa Diaz towering over her. "Oh heyyyy Rosa." Amy's co-worker glared at her "I'm just, erm, finishing up on a case, we've had a manic week an-." "You think I don't know that, Santiago?" Diaz interrupted "I've been here all week, same as you." Amy nodded "I - I didn't mean to dismiss the wor-."

Rosa hardened her glare and took a step towards Amy "The *wonderful* work you've been doing." Now disinterested, Rosa cut her off. "It's boiling in here." Amy nodded "It's January, so I've got the space heater on." Rosa peered under the table and scoffed "You're wearing a blanket?" Amy scooted her chair under the table further, making Rosa smirk. "I'm cold." For a brief second Rosa considered raising her concerns with her friend. "Amy..." Rosa softened her stance, and for a few brief seconds, she averted her gaze to hide the worry that was passing over her face. Rosa thought better of it. Looking back up at Amy's weary eyes, she resumed her natural position of indifference. "You look like shit." Amy recoiled, not knowing what to say. "Let's go grab a drink. Help you relax." The younger brunette looked down at her work hesitantly, knowing she needed to crack on.

"Come on, put those away, shift's over, you can do them tomorrow." "No... I've got to finish these reports tonight if I want to impress Holt." Rosa snorted "A- and, um, bring this erm.. criminal to justice." Rosa looked Amy dead in the eye, unfolded her arms and slammed them down on the table, making Amy jump. "I wasn't asking." Amy tried to protest, but Rosa cut her off "You're putting these files away, then you are coming to the bar, and we are going to get pissed." Amy shuffled in her seat. "NOW Santiago!"

Rosa was fucking petrifying, Amy thought, but it appeared she was only taking her to the bar because she cared and wanted to get Amy to have fun and relax. After all, she hadn't been out with either Rosa or any of the other members of the squad for a few weeks now. It was partly because Amy wanted to get fit and lose weight and somewhat because work had been so chaotic. Although mainly the latter, Amy reassured herself.

"What you drinking?" Rosa's voice brought Amy out of her thoughts. "I... umm..." The bartender huffed at Amy, making her advert her gaze "Just water please." Rosa raised an eyebrow "Really, Santiago?" Amy nodded, making Rosa scoff. She wondered why she ever made Amy come out with her in the first place, her coworker was boring sometimes, but she usually was more than happy to have a drink. Although Rosa wasn't comfortable expressing it, she was concerned about Amy. The brunette hadn't been out to any social gathering in forever, not even when their captain invited her to a dinner party, which for her, was not only out of character, but downright worrying. Rosa looked away and downed half her beer in one gulp. Amy was an adult and could take care of herself. They were here to relax. The two ladies sat in perfect silence as they drank their drinks and unwound.

When Rosa arrived at work the next day, Amy was already sat at her desk working, which wasn't unusual, although something felt... off. The sound of Jake Peralta entering the bullpen interrupted her thoughts. "I'm here cap'n!" Holt turned around from his assistant's desk and looked at his watch "3 minutes early, well done, Peralta. Although it's captain, not Cap'n." Jake grinned as Charles Boyle high fived him. "That's my boy!"

As everyone settled down to work (apart from Gina who just sat playing on her phone), Rosa glanced over at Amy. She was wearing her thick winter coat still. Perhaps that was the difference. Although she was weirdly silent. Rosa looked around the room, nobody else seemed to be worried. Maybe she was overreacting. She wasn't good at this emotional crap.

Amy stood up and began to walk to the bathroom, weaving and onto the wall. Rosa frowned "You okay Santiago?" Amy nodded "Yeah I'm fine, I think I'm hungover from last night." Rosa's dark eyes narrowed. Why would she lie? Jake looked up from his work "Wait, we didn't go out last night." Then he gasped. "You went out without us!" Amy groaned and continued to stagger to the bathroom, white as a sheet "Well done detective, another great solve." She called over her shoulder, but her voice lacked its usual edge. Jake grinned, dipping his head in a silly playful bow, "I thank you." Amy didn't look right to Rosa, she didn't want to invade her privacy, but she also wanted to make sure her friend was okay. On impulse, she stood up and walked after Amy. Jake turned to Charles "What's wrong with her?" "Leak week probably." It took a second for what he meant to sink into Jake's mind, but when he cottoned on it was extremely apparent. "Urahhh! Boyle! TMI!"

Amy stood in front of the mirror, water dripping from her lips. Sink water was never pleasant, but she was desperately thirsty and needed to drink. Amy closed her eyes as a wave of vertigo hit her hard as her stomach growled. Without hesitation, Amy punched it. Hunger pains were almost unbearable now. Amy opened her eyes and gazed at her reflection. To eat would be to gain rapidly. Besides, she was nowhere near skinny enough. If she wanted to impress her dates with her body, she needed to lose more. Much more. There was no way she was giving up. Nothing tastes as good as skinny would feel.

Rosa walked into the bathroom, and her eyes fell on Amy. "Alright Santiago, what's going on?" Amy turned to face Rosa "Nothing. I'm fine." Rosa growled. "Don't lie to me." She stalked up to Amy, arms crossed and glaring. "Even if I wasn't OK, it is none of your business." Rosa raised an eyebrow "Sorry! I didn't mean that I j-just... I... um.." Amy's arm reached out to grab the sink. Rosa softened. "You okay, Santiago?" Amy nodded "Yeah... I'm fine... I just... erm... need a second." Amy squinted as her vision blurred and her ears rang.

All of a sudden Amy's body shook and Jerked. Her head dropped, and her knees started to give way. Rosa leapt forward and closed her arms around Amy's body, just in time to catch her as her legs gave out. "I've got you Santiago."

Rosa lowered Amy to the floor before taking off her tie and undoing her top button. As she did, she noticed how prominent her collar bones were. Rosa frowned. Amy was right, it was none of her business. But this could be serious. She took a deep breath before sliding her layers of clothes up so she could see the true extent of the damage. Rosa's heart broke as she was met with the sight of dull skin stretched tight over Amy's prominent bones. As she ran her hands down Amy's body, feeling for muscle, it became apparent the poor girl hadn't been eating correctly in months, because where there was meant to be muscle, there was only bone and a thin layer of fat.

"Oh Amy," she whispered.