Greenline

6

My Flaws and How I Make Up For Them

If there was one thing I was great at in February, it was driving Isaac to anger so quickly that I usually didn't know what had happened until after he kicked me out of his house or ordered me to drive him back home. Of course, I never realized how insensitive I had been until after the fact. Sometimes, it was a while after the fact.

One day, it was a misplaced comment about wanting to be there for him that implied that Isaac was too weak to be on his own. At the time, I had no idea that he sometimes was and he certainly wasn't planning for me to find out.

I discovered I held a lot of prejudices about illness, and I didn't even know what Isaac had. It's taken me a long time to correct them, and at the point of writing this entry, I think it's safe to say that I finally have.

There was one time that I posed a question I did not imagine would so deeply hurt the boy I was falling for. Now, I know why. But then, I was so clueless that it nearly pains me to think about at present. I had asked him what a lab test he was getting done was for, to gain some insight into his life. It had caused him to shut me out worse than I could've ever predicted.

I learned how to be pretty great at apologies, as guilty as I feel for it. There was never a "secret recipe" to gaining Isaac's trust back, especially when I managed to fracture it so many times.

After being ignored for three days, I had been moping around my house. My parents sent me to go pick up carryout from the diner to get me outside. And almost as soon as I walked in, my wandering eyes had found Isaac sitting in the corner with his nose stuffed into a book.

He looked up when I spoke to the cashier to retrieve my parent's order and we made eye contact briefly, before he broke it and stood up, trying to leave. I didn't think much when I walked over to stop him, but I didn't feel like I thought much about most of the things I did around him. Maybe that was the problem.

"Ethan–" he started low and dangerously, clutching his book in his hands, but I interrupted.

"Just hear me out," I tried, earning a glare in return. "Please."

He huffed and rolled his eyes, taking a step back to create more distance between us. "Fine. Talk."

I swallowed nervously before beginning. "I-I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to try and pry, especially about that part of your life. I just–" I struggled to search for the words that perfectly conveyed how I felt. "I want to be there for you, but that's not an excuse. If you want to tell me, you can but until then, I don't care." I had been so anxious that I was surprised he had understood me at all through my stutters. "I mean, I do care. But not if you don't want me to...?" I ended off in a question, meeting his gaze hopefully.

He was laughing at me when I was finished, shaking his head. "You're a mess," he claimed, and I grinned hopefully.

"I'm your mess, though," I muttered, made to blush by my own words.

Isaac rolled his eyes. "I accept your apology," he said, although he seemed like he was mocking me. "Only if you seal it with a kiss."

I was baffled by his request, unsure if I was dreaming or not. "What?"

He gave me that mischievous grin that always got me to agree. "It's another stupid cliche," he explained. "Now kiss me, you idiot."

My eyes widened. "Oh, yeah. O-okay–" Before I could ramble any longer, it was him who had closed the distance, grabbing the collar of my shirt to pull my lips against his.