Happiness

One.

My name is Amaterasu, but my family calls me either Ama or Tera, I am 15 years old. I recently moved to Los Angeles, California. I moved here from Tokyo, Japan. Since my father is a marine, I tend to move with him a lot. He was sent to come to California for 4 years. He thought it would be a good idea for me to start high school. Well, sort of. I'm about to go to the 2nd half of high school.

My dad, he doesn't like to talk about his job. So what I've picked up from all of the events at the offices and stuff he's like the boss.

My mom, she died when I was 10. She had breast cancer. She was my closest friend. So when she went, a part of me went with her. And I guess that's when my depression started.

I was never a sociable girl since I never stayed in the same place for more than a year. So I gave up on meeting people. I am depressed. I have a condition that 350 million other people suffer from on this planet. So it's good to know that I'm not alone in this.

I have been seeing a new therapist each week on a Sunday at 5. Her name is Ms. Dimitri. We talk about nothing. Well I have to. It always ends up to be about my mother and how I give up on myself. I've been seeing her for about 2-3 weeks.

I have not been harming myself, for which I am thankful for. But have had thoughts like 'what if' as in 'what if I just jumped off that balcony' who would care? It would be only my father right? And by that I'd be with my mother so it's not that bad. But then I promised by father not to try or do anything stupid. And I keep my promises.

So Ms. Dimitri said to sort of talk my feelings out in my mind. Basically, what you're reading.

My school starts in 5 days so I should get ready. Mentally and physically. Since my father is out from 5am to 5pm I have my Aunt who takes care of me. My Aunt Kibō. Which means in Japanese 'hope' and that's what my middle name is. Amaterasu Kibō Sunki.