Bleu

And that was when my troubles began

I certainly hadn't meant to drown. And I certainly hadn't meant to not stay dead.

For some reason, the slightly blue lips and light purple tint to my eyelids never went away. People even compliment me on the "look" thinking that it's makeup and while I'm not entirely sure on the look and leaning towards that I hate it, I also have to admit that even if I can't go back to my natural colouring...at least it is somewhat pretty? However...that little cosmetic issue is the least of my problems. For now...now I am seeing things that I never did before and if my mother, and an entire coven of witches, weren't around to assure me that I am not crazy and just that oh they'd only been keeping a teensy tiny little secret of me myself being a witch then I'd think I'd gone crazy. And honestly? I still kind of do.

But the bare facts remain, however much I wish this never happened, and now I see the dead, especially the newly dead. And they all seem to want my help.

Well, to be fair, I want theirs too. Despite what my mother and the others think, I really don't think I was meant to come back. They seem to think I didn't actually die and that my powers awoke and kept me alive but other than seeing the dead I am having such trouble with using magic and so I really don't know what to believe. It seems improbable that I died and came back...and yet, I'm sure that's what happened. And I am also sure that I really shouldn't stay alive if that is the case. There is a natural order to things...and if I did die then I need to find out why and how I came back...and reverse it. I need to die, after all. And if the dead want me to help them, then I might as well use their help too in exchange, especially as I need to keep this a secret from the rest of my family that are just happy I am still with them and are "oh so happy" that my "magic awakened." For now, at least I can trust the dead, likely, to do what I want in exchange for what they want. And, honestly, as people who are already dead... they are the greatest resources at my disposal to try and achieve the end I want. Because...well... to put it bluntly, they themselves are already dead. So you'd think they'd have a few pointers on necromancy, wouldn't you?

So, as it confuses even me what's been happening, here are the bare facts that I know for sure:

I may not have meant to die, but it doesn't seem right to stay alive.

And yet nothing I try, or any of my dead compatriots suggest, seems to work at all.

I apparently have a new relationship that I somehow started to form (??) with our local resident vampire girl that started to take a rather unhealthy obsession (in my opinion) with me after my ill-fated not-death. Her name is Lara... and, apparently, she is now my girlfriend...?

The icing on the cake, after my not-death, came when I found out, after I had died, that my mother, my sister, and I are all witches, and that, somehow, my magic had spiked enormously after I died and came back so that now they, and the dead that now love me and want my help, can all feel it when before it had been sitting latent.

And, though my sister keeps insisting that she would have brought me back had she known how and had she known I was going to die then she would have saved me, and my mother and the other coven members say the same...the true way I came back is still a secret and I have no idea if I came back due to someone's efforts, what that would mean for me if so, or if it was something about me that brought me back from the dead, and why I still retain some traces of my not-death on me and inside of my magical signature and abilities.

Such as, for instance, my new talents with necromancy.

Anyway, right now I am supposed to be starting my grimoire and not writing in here like it's a diary instead...sooooo how about a change of topics?

An appropriately witchy topic could be detailing what the dead tell me, and what we try together, and I've already warded this grimoire with a sigil to keep it hidden from all but me, and carved runes of protection around the edges of the leather cover so it should be safe enough to be frank in what I write down (and hopefully it will help me focus my thoughts and keep track of what we've done too!).

In that sense, here are the stories of my deals with the dead in exchange for information on ways for me to die, and stay dead.