My Love

I'M SORRY

I haven't updated this in a while so I just wanted to let you know how I really feel and let you know every single thing. I am sorry for what I did to you. I know I can't fix it and I really really screwed up. I honestly don't know what to do. I really do love you and I do care about you. It may seem like I don't at all with either but I really do. I hate fighting with you and I hate fist fighting but tonight I have a boxing match and I honestly don't have any hope that I will win. I deserve to get the shit kicked out of me after what I did to you. Maybe it will knock some sense into me. You are the love of my life. I don't ever want to lose you and after what I did I don't deserve to even have you. You are my life and my rock. I don't want anyone else but you. I told you that I will never lie to you again and I mean it. I'm done hiding things from you, that's not a true relationship. You make me happy. I really hurt you this time and I know I can't just fix it within a snap of my fingers but I really wish I could. I hate myself for throwing you around like this. You mean so much to me, you're so special to me. I fell in love with you and I love it! I lost my virginity to you. Yeah that may be just "not a virgin anymore" but no its really not, it means that I owe you everything that I have. I owe you my life. I am going to be the best boyfriend that anyone could ever ask for to you and only to you. I haven't cried in like a year and today, I cried. I cried because you really are the love of my life and I really messed up. I understand if you don't trust me or you think I don't care or love you. I do though. No matter what happens I really do care about and love you. Yeah all of your friends hate me and they think we shouldn't be dating and if you think that too I understand. I have to ask you one thing before you leave me though.."Will YOU Amy go to homecoming with me?" I really wanted to ask you today but I messed up. Honestly I dont deserve to go with you. If its not you that I go with then I'm not going. You are the one that I love, you are the one that I want to go on dates with and to school dances with. No one else. The truth is yesterday when I went to go see my ex- girlfriend I wasn't thinking. I hate fighting with you. I hope one day I will earn your trust back completely. I know that you don't deserve to be thrown around like the way I throw you around, and I am not going to do that anymore. I'm going to be gentle with every kiss, with every hug, with every touch, I will be gentle when I even look at you. I'm so sorry. I love you Amy! I really do love you. I'm honestly so scared that you will decide to break up with me. I know I'm not good enough for you. I won't ever be, because you are the most perfect thing that has come into my life. I will try with all my heart, soul, and mind to be that perfect guy. You are worth it. You are worth keeping and trying my whole life to learn to love. I will learn how to love you even if it kills me. My parents and I next week are going to the Army recruiter and talking about enlisting me. I will be leaving for 4-6 months right after commencement and then maybe go to Iraq or out of country some where. My life is worth nothing so why not do something to save my country, my family, and my friends. I just really wanted to tell you that but I was scared to. I want you to know that I care about and love you. I am going to prove to you that your decision in keeping me was a good decision. At any time if I screw up again just leave me. I won't ever let that happen. My whole life I have been a screw up but not anymore. I will make sure that I never screw up ever again. You are so worth my life, if I ever had the chance to go back to yesterday and change what I did I would in a heartbeat. I would die for you, and I would kill for you. Honest to God,  you are the love of my life.