Lotus Flower (BoyxBoy)

Rejection

Lotus Flower

Chapter 3

            Xavier put his hand on Benjamin's  heart and looked at his eyes deeply, as if he could see his soul but in fact, the boy was looking so emotionless like he wanted it to be done and over as soon as possible.

          Of course Xavier could not know what Benjamin was thinking in these same seconds, how he was trying not to curl into a ball and cry in silence and how he was trying so hard not to yell in pain. He just kept looking into his grey eyes and prayed to the Moon Goddess to end this as soon as possible. His cells were pulling towards him and leaving no space to escape to him. He focused on Xavier's hand and tried to imagine how it would feel if it was on his waist, on his stomach, on his face... He wondered how would it feel if he was holding him to his chest instead of rejecting him. He knew he would never know the answer, he knew he would never know how to feel loved by his mate. He closed his eyes for a second and opened again when he heard Xavier's voice.

          "I, Xavier McCarthy," he started but it's as if his wolf part understood what was happening, everything became too intense for him in a second. He tried to ignore it and kept going, "reject Benjamin Millerson ," he continued but his instinct were forcing him to hold the shorter boy between his arms and never let him go, hold him till the end of the time and spend every second of his life making him happy. Same instincts were beating him up inside of his head, he was feeling like every thought of his had a voice and they were trying to talk in the same time. Most of them, almost every of them were about Benjamin and why he should not reject him. Despite of everything, he pulled himself together and "as my mate." he finished.

          He waited for something after, like a big crushing feeling in the middle of his chest or something like he could not breathing anymore. He expected to feel like dying actually, he was almost sure that after those words, something big and bad was going to happen. But nothing happened. It was just...nothing, emptiness even.

          The boy with the amber eyes put his warm and small hand on Xavier's heart. Xavier could feel how the warmness was surrounding him and making him weak but at the same time very powerful. He was feeling like he was able to feel everything and nothing, he knew for sure that he could jump from the tallest building without a second thought or he could face with the scariest monster ever existed, he could fight against to the whole world or he could kill every living creature just for Benjamin but yet, he was defenseless to Benjamin, even afraid of him, terrified maybe. He felt desperate for his touch, his eyes, and his warmness. For the first time in his twenty four years, he understood how it feels to be desperate. It hurts.

          "I, Benjamin Millerson," he started. For Xavier, even hearing the boy's voice was painful because he knew what was going to happen, what he will say next but he chose to ignored the cold, hard fact just for once and tried to focus on the boy, to his voice, to warmness spreading from his small figure and his breath hitting on his chest in the most delicate way. Xavier then wondered, how it would feel to wake up next to Benjamin, just like baby bear boy did tonight. "reject Xavier McCarthy," Xavier just wanted to be able to hold him for a second without a second thought, for once and just for once, be able to kiss him, cuddle him and hold him. He had this urge, coming from the deepest parts of his ribcage and knowing what will be said in a few seconds, his wolf instincts were all over him, trying to reach for Benjamin's  wolf part. "as my mate."

          There it was. It was done. It was over. And unlike all the rumors, it was not painful. They both did not feel anything, there was nothing, there was an obvious emptiness rising from the ground with shiny walls but both did not feel like they were dying. It was a good sign for them, and for a moment, both men thought the same thing, maybe our mate bond was a mistake from the beginning.