TORMENTATO

3

Did you know that crying while eating is a thing?

Well, it is now.

For me.

Sometimes, I just want to be alone, but then thoughts start to torment me.

Words that made their way into my mind and heart, they're etched deep.

I can't remove them.

They are always blaming me.

Hurting me.

Words.

Other people say words does not hurt.

Words are just... words.

But I prefer you hurt me physically, that hurting me verbally.

I just want to forget.

Months have passed after you said those words but they still echo in my mind.

Always pointing out what I did wrong.

And when I cry, you'll say that I'm always the 'victim'.

Because it hurts.

Yeah, maybe it hurts because it's true, but I thought you'll understand.

I thought you'll understand that I didn't mean to.

That I didn't know what I was doing.

That I was just tired and fed up.

That it hurts the most when the person I love is the one who says those words.

Now I'm always blaming myself.

Is something wrong with me?

Am I too harsh?

Am I a bad person?

I failed at school, am I an embarrassment now?

Am I doing things right?

Should I even talk anymore?

Should I?

God, forgive me, but I'm starting to question my existence.

Am I even needed in this world?

I hate this.

I hate tasting my own tears.

I hate crying.

But I can't help it.