Zero Regrets (A Mamamoo Fanfic)

Chapter 4

Three days until the night of the questionable events

'I think it's time we finally have a serious talk, Yong. Please meet me at Red Velvet's café in an hour' That had been all the explanation Yong Sun had gotten from Moon Byul today. She knew she was in trouble, after what had happened with the police, Moon Byul had been ignoring her after their fight.

Solar, as she was called when she was a kid, sighed as she entered the coffee shop where she was supposed to meet Byul, it was one of their favorite spots to hang out at not only because they were friends with the group of women who co-owned the place but because their red velvet cookies were truly to die for.

The pink haired woman chose a table close to the door so her friend would see her easily and took a seat. Quickly, someone came to check if she wanted to order anything, who she recognized as Byul's friend Seulgi. Yong asked for a hot chocolate, a black coffee for Moon Byul and a couple of cookies.

It also didn't take long for the other woman to arrive. And like always Yong Sun felt something in the pitch of her stomach, this time it seemed stronger though. Byul was wearing a black suit with a long black coat over it and she looked so...mature. So serious, like she meant business. And even Yong Sun felt intimidated by her for a second. She looked amazing but Solar wasn't sure if she preferred this over the usually laid back woman who went everywhere with her overalls from work.

Moon Byul made her way towards the table, her eyes never leaving Yong Sun's. She sat down in front of her and smiled when she noticed the black coffee. "No sugar, right?" She asked, her voice seemed deeper today, Solar noticed before nodding at the question. Byul took a sip, again, their eyes not leaving each other's and after a few seconds, she spoke.

"Is this what you want Yong Sun? Because if this is what you want, then I can be this for you. I'll go back to college, get a degree, get a different job...a real job. I'll take it seriously. I'll be like him, your parents will approve of me like they approved of Eric, I promise" After this words, Solar had a hard time swallowing as it had taken her by surprise. She felt a sudden weight on her chest like never before. Was this the reason why the white haired woman looked so different today?

"I...Byul Yi, wh-what are you saying? I just don't...understand" She was having a hard time talking with so many things going through her head. If she was being honest, she really did understand what her friend was saying but...the idea just scared Yong Sun so badly, her brain couldn't process it right now.

Moon Byul let out a soft laugh that sounded a little bit like a cry. She moved a hand through her long hair and Solar could tell she wasn't the only one having a hard time expressing themselves right now "God, Yong Sun. This isn't easy for me either. I've never...felt this way. Towards anyone, men or women, there was never someone that caught my attention like you did when we met" She took a couple of second to breath before continuing "Like you still do. And I know you feel the same way, so don't lie to me, not today. I know that maybe...I might not be your first but dammit do I want to be it for you"

Everything went quiet for a few moments, the outside world didn't exist for this two people sitting at a busy café in the middle of one of the biggest and loudest cities. They stared at each other for what felt like decades until Yong Sun looked down at her chocolate, which laid forgotten halfway, in her cup. She took her time to think of her next words, it was a lot to take in.

She wouldn't lie to herself by saying that she hadn't realized she felt differently for Byul than for the rest of her friends. But it was just so strange, she had never really been attracted to women before and people like Byul...she had always found childish people and those who didn't take anything seriously to be a bunch of idiots. But in came in this girl who laughed freely, who didn't seem to have a care for the things that bothered Yong Sun so much, like the future. Someone who taught her that changing your plans might not be the worst possible thing to happen to you. That being flexible in life meant to be prepared for whatever it threw at you. That she deserved better than Eric, someone that would actually be there to listen to her problems and insecurities, because even if it didn't seem like it, Yong had a lot of those.

And here she was, that same girl, a couple of years later, now a woman. A woman that still laughed freely, a social butterfly that easily caught everyone's attention. Something Yong took notice of all the time because she didn't like the way they all stared at her. She wanted to tell them to stop. But who was she to ask for such a thing? She couldn't tell Byul to stop hanging out with YooA or Sandeul just because she was jealous they were clearly into her best friend. If only she could admit to herself that maybe she liked that about Moon Byul, how she was so different than the people she usually associated herself with. If only she could get over her fear of feeling like this towards another woman. If only she stopped caring over the social consequences such a relationship would bring. And yet, she decided it just wasn't something she could do. She knew things would be rough for a while but Byul would always be there for her and time would fix everything...right?

"I'm sorry, Byul ah. I can't. My family...our friends...Even my job. We could lose everything" It took all of her strength to look back up into those eyes she hated to admit she loved. And her breathing stopped for a second because she had never seen that look on her eyes, it broke her heart to see what her words were doing to Byul.

"So what? We'll find new friends, new jobs. Your parents will understand eventually. Because they love you Yong Sun. You're right, we could lose almost everything. But we would have each other" She noticed Byul Yi's voice cracking, it was clear she was holding back, trying to control herself "I can't go on like this, pretending to be just your friend. We've shared...things in secret. Always a dirty secret. But I'm so done with it. I want more, I need more. Because it kills me every time you move your hand away when someone joins us. It kills me to have to kiss you in the dark, when not even you can see. I'm so tired of it, of how all the boys are always trying to get your attention, having to sit there as they ask you out, without being able to say anything because I know it would make you so uncomfortable. I need more, Yong Sun"

And it hurt. It hurt so bad when all she got in respond was a soft "I can't" as the pink haired woman got up from the table. She gave Byul one last look before leaving the café. Before leaving Byul behind. Byul, who had worn her heart on her sleeve for the first time in a really long time. Who now had to find a way to repair it. Because her love had rejected her.

And Byul suddenly had the urge to go back home. Her home, with her mother. Because the only thing she felt could take away part of this pain was the warm hug of her mother. A mother who she had left behind to come make her dreams come true, her dreams of making it big in the music industry with her rapping skills. And now she could finally see how dumb she had been. She had dropped her classes to have a lot more free time to practice her raps. And what had she accomplished since then? Spending all her time chasing dead ends. And that included all the time she had spent trying to convince Yong Sun, trying to show her how worthy she was of her affections.

A warm mother's hug and time. It was all Byul had to hang onto right now. So she paid for their order, even if it had barely been touched. She walked to the nearest train station and bought a ticket to return to her home. She called her mom to let her know she would visit for a couple of nights. Then she called the only other person she felt like actually talking with. Just as the train started to move, the other line picked up.

"Byul unnie, what happened? Hyejin left in a rush to go see Yong Sun unnie" She heard the soft voice asking and with that, she just couldn't hold it in anymore. Her body shook as she let out a cry that she tried to muffle out with her hand. And she let her tears fall down her face. She could hear Wheein trying to comfort her through the phone but in the end, they just both ended up crying. After a few minutes, when they both managed to calm down, Byul finally replied "I'm sorry, Wheein. I'll be back soon. Please, take care. All three of you until I return" That is all she managed to get out before she hung up. She felt tears starting to flow again and she didn't hold back this time. Her fingers shaking, she finally managed to turn off her phone. She needed this time, she just hoped her friends would understand. That was all she cared about right now, she could worry about her job tomorrow, when hopefully some of the pain would be gone.