"This cant be how it ends." John thought. "No. Definitely not. He's my sherlock he'll come back for me. He cant die a normal death, He's extraordinary. He is all my life is centered around." Inside he was crumbling. His mind a mess of all the sudden realization of his lovers death. Yet he watched sherlock lay there ever motionless. "COME BACK" he was furious. How dare sherlock leave him. He needed him so badly. Hold him one last time "GET UP SHERLOCK" furious hot tears streaming down his round face now. "YOU MACHINE! GET UP I NEED YOU HERE" he kicked and screamed angry sad gibberish to the body beside him. Weak sobs emitting from between the screams and tears as he calmed down slowly.
"Sherlock, i need you here because i love you more than anything in this world and i was unfulfilled with my life before you and now i cant bear to have that loss."
As johns mind drew darker he saw himself lay down next to sherlock in the dessert and was still...
He woke up on the couch a pool of drool and heartache. His eyes wet from crying through the dream. It had seemed so real. How could he even imagine life without sherlock? He loved him through the veil of death and beyond. That was that.
He sat up and wiped the spit from his mouth and dried his eyes. his head hurt and his body sore from the uncomfortable position. john rose from the couch and discarded the thin blanket onto his armchair on the way to his and sherlocks bedroom. Noticing a wall clock he saw it was only 8:43. not time for bed but too late for any good telly or to go out. He would have tried to finish sherlocks
Experiment but last time that had resulted in a half dissected fish hitting their wall and sherlock bantering on about johns inabilities to see his genius procedures. After donning his clothes he grabbed an old t shirt from the drawer and a pair of flannel jammie pants of sherlocks. Having something of his on made johns mood a little lighter. He decided to heat up a cup of soup and read his book. He peered into the fridge before deciding on a can of potato soup and scooped it into a bowl with slight burn marks on the bottom from his flatmate. Their microwave had been subjected to more experiments than it had been actually heating food but it was regardless. He pressed start when his eye was caught by a little Chinese cat that sherlock had bought him for christmas last year. it was from a shop in chinatown where they had visited on a case. He remembered holding sherlocks hand for the first time that day as they were strolling through a street in that area and it had been so casual and yet it made john giddy and feel like a young schoolboy again.
He smiled at the memory from Long ago.
His thoughts were disrupted by the beep beep beep of the soup that was now finished. Removing the hot liquid he carried it over to his chair and sat opening his book. "To kill a mockingbird" it had been suggested ti him by a colleague and was very popular. there was still a chill in the room despite the hot soup. While he was reading he couldn't help looking over at the spot where his detective would normally be. He half expected to look over and see sherlock sitting there off in his mind palace.
But he wasnt.
He was off in america being impressive and loving every second of chasing down some serial killer.
The shivers john got from the room were bothersome and made him sad so he gathered his book, soup and blanket to go up the few stairs to the bedroom. He set the soup on his nightstand on his book and rolled back the fluffy covers to slide into bed. He surveyed the room for what he was looking for. A dark blue mens Large hoodie with some college on it was draped over a chair in the corner where sherlock had left it. John picked it up and slid it over himself with ease because it was maybe 4 sizes too big despite how thin the consulting detective was. He returned to his bedside and situated himself once-more and pulled his soup and book to himself and settled in.
"Much better" he thought. the hoodie was a large improvement on his mood and his previously heavy heart was lifted immensely. After an hour of steady Reading he was tired again. setting the book and now empty soup bowl on his table he clicked off the lamp he had been using and curled up. Grabbing sherlocks pillow still crisp from being freshly pressed and still having sherlocks scent on it made john in a cuddly mood and he wrapped his arms around the pillow. "This is fine" he said out loud to no one in a smile. the surrounding softness, warmth and smell of his boyfriend put the very snuggly, very happy doctor right to sleep after a long and tear jerking day.
