Head in the clouds

Hes here

We were playing at the park did some basketball though the court isn't a proper one. We laughed as he continued to beat me. it seemed like every time he got the shot, I was always impressed by him. Of course cause he's way taller. He only enjoyed doing it for fun. Never wanted to be a basketball star cause he never really figured his dream. Basketball was more of a time where he could have and excuse to hangout with his younger sister, me. My Brother always did great in school never failed a class but also never got straight A's. That never mattered as long as he did his best. we where supper happy and had so much fun together. When we where little we played hide and seek at the old apartment. Though it was a small place, there was always some where new to hide. He laughed when he herd that Zach turned the dryer on, while I was in it. He also made sure I was okay and felt bad for laughing. I had to give him that one. IT was always a joy to see that smile on his face. Then again it was always blurry.

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I woke up from that dream I been having so often. You see I'm talking about my brother but he died in moms stomach. I imagine so many thing that I would do with him. Since when I was a little girl when I found out about him, till now 19 and wishing he was here. Also knowing he was made for something better. I always had this feeling never knew what it was. It helped me till I realized it was him. He has always been here. I feel a serge of good energy. It helped me through anxiety and depression. Half the time when I know he's around I feel my shoulders go from intense to a weight being lifted of them.

Many people believed when I told them, after figuring it out for myself. There was always some one who didn't though. That was my mom she's great and all but she still hasn't gotten the fact that when I feel strongly about something as much as I did this. I usually end up right, like when I felt something was wrong with my gum when I had my crown. That a story for a different time though.

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I think the first time I felt him was when I moved. My mom told me about him was I was 8 or 9 I don't quite remember. I just remember that feeling when you meet someone and you knew that was the missing piece in your life. I never understood why I felt there was something missing till that day. Of course you wouldn't think it was a significant other because obviously I was to young for that. It wasn't a missing or needing a friend either though. At the time in my life I felt like my friend circle was completed till high school, and boy I was wrong. At this point I'll give you names but not there's. So it was Mike, Jackie, Ash, and Amanda. Amanda was great we say hi to each other to this day. Mike and I used to see each other every year. He told me how everyone held up after we fell apart. Till he fell back a grade and the dipped him but didn't surprise me at this point. The there was Jackie she ended up moving the same year as me but a different school.

Lastly there was Ash she was one that I had a feeling I knew what gonna happen between us. I also knew it wasn't going to be a good fall out. At least how it would go. Not how I would be emotionally. She was a horror and honestly I felt bad for her. She wished to be that popular chick everyone wised to be. Typical for our age but I knew it would continue and it did from what I learned. Nobody liked her and told me shit after just saying we used to be friends. Then I would explain she dipped me after I moved. Making excuse after excuse. Though she promised she would never let me go or let this distance come between us. Should of known it was a lie later.

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