How I Met You

Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

After Nixon left my room I got back in the shower and cried. Was living really this hard? Because if it is then I don't want to live it. I don't want to play the game of life. I want to give up; what's the point of living if its nothing but misery? Could I just be better of by just ending things right Now? The way things stand John would just count his lucky stars and just let it go. He'd be happy that I'm gone.

 Could I even do it, could I really kill myself? I think I could if I really wanted to. I mean the only thing I have to watch out for is Nixon and Sue. Not that hard to get around, I'm alone every night.

 After I got out of the shower, I got dressed back into my pj's and climbed back into bed. Crying more wasn't going to help so I tried to sleep, but it wasn't working at all. I turned over and over in my bed. The door opened and Sue walked in. I don't know how I knew that, but I did know. A minute later she left and I went back to my sorrow. somewhere between then I started crying again. I whipped my face and drifted off sometime later.

Two hours later

 

I slowly opened my eyes. God today was not a good day. The only thing good about it was it being so warm around me. It was like I had my own heating pad under me. I looked up to meet another pair of eyes. "Sue told me that you were crying. Beth I know I hurt you, but I don't want you to cry anymore. I do want a life with you, you've been through too much and I want to give you a better life then you've had." I started to cry again. That hurt. He does wants me because of pity.

  "I-I don-'t wan-t t-to b-e yo-ur pit-ty tr-ain. I-I-I want you to wa-n't me" I stuttered

  "Do you think that I don't want you? Beth I want you as my wife, do you want to know why? Because after all you've been though your still a good person. Your beautiful, caring and love your dad for what he was and not hate him for what he is. You think of others before you think of yourself. I bet more money then I have that you love kids don't you?" I nodded  "You don't like people that push you around and your not afraid to push back. Beth your the perfect girl for me."

  "So you like me for me?" I said whipping my eyes with the back of my hand.

"Yes, I do." I leaned down to hug him, but by doing so I ended up almost on top of him.

"You don't hate me after this morning?" I said starting to clam down.

  "No I don't, but you do need to clam down Beth. I don't want you to cry anymore." He said it playfully "For someone that never cried before I came to her house, she cries an awful lot." That made me laugh.

   "Only because you keep making me look at your face!" I said

   "Oh is that right, well I bet I can also fix that." He said then rolled us over so he was hovering above me. "Are you ticklish?" Oh no I thought.

    "No" I said to fast. He raised his hand up and started to move his fingers. "No Nix stop, don't please"         My eyes went wide.

   "You will laugh for me, Beth." His hand start to get closer to my stomach. No I will not laugh! That thought left my brain once he hit my belly.

   By the time he was done I was out of breath, my eyes were crying and he had a goofy grin on his face. "Feel better?" He asked me.

   "Not really"

  "Beth your lying, and we both know it" he leaned down and kissed my nose. The moment his lips touched me it sent shock waves throughout my body. I knew he felt it also, because he froze and closed his eyes. When he finally pulled away he barred his face into the side of my neck. "God you smell good." Um OK? I thought. He put his mouth up against my neck and I got chills. When felt his mouth open just a tad, I let out a moan. I couldn't stop it if I wanted to; it just felt so good.

  "Nixon......" I said.

  "Yes?" He replied, but I didn't say anything back. After awhile he asked "Beth?"

   "Will you sleep with me?" Nixon froze. "Nixon?"

   "What did you just ask me?" He sounded shaky.

    "If you'd"

    "I know what you said!" He said sharply

     "Then why did you ask!" I yelled at him. God the boy had mood swings! One moment he wants to sleep with me then the next he gets mad at me for asking him to! I pushed him off me and sat up "Your a fucking jerk, Nixon. Didn't anyone ever tell you it isn't fair or nice to play with girls hearts!" I got off the bed and walked over to the door pulling it open "I'm really tired of your games so get out"

     I wasn't really mad at him, my feelings were just hurt, but I wasn't gong to tell him that. I put myself out there for him, but he shot me down. I told myself this morning that I wasn't going to fall or get close to him, but that's turning out to be harder then I thought it would be. He just had this way of pulling me in and that was dangerous. We both knew that caring about the other wasn't going to work out.

   Nixon and me were not meant for each other. He was rich, good looking, had a family and friends that cared about him and me? Well I'm not or have any of that. He was also going places in life and I was thinking about killing myself. We were complete opposites. And lets face it opposites might attracted, but that doesn't mean that it works out in the end. I closed my eyes and stopped thinking about this and focused on my breathing.  

   "Beth, don't act like that." Nixon said "I didn't mean it, really I didn't. It's just that I wasn't expecting it. I never thought that you'd want to sleep with me." I opened my eyes and look into his beautiful green ones. He had got off the bed and walked over to me.  

    "Nix, I didn't want to sleep with you because I didn't want to be the wife that looks the other way while her husband runs all over town and never home at night. I don't want that kind of life. My children won't have that kind of life."

   "I know that! You don't think I know that!" He yelled "But did you ever think that I didnt want this!" That fit me right in the face and his eyes went wide. "Beth...."

   "Don't bother. I see now." I turned to leave the room but he grabbed me. "LET GO!" I yelled and pulled my arm back. I started to walk away but then I stopped "Do you know what! I asked you! God I asked you if you wanted this! You could've said no!" I couldn't believe how angry I was. "You had to make the choice and you made it god damn it! I started to think you cared about me!"

   "I do...." he said quietly.

   "No. You. Don't." I said back. "You've been playing me and I'm so glad that things have been moving so fast. Before it gets too far to go back."

   "No. I do know that I want you, Beth. I do." he stepped in close to me "I don't care what you think I do want you." He leaned down to most likely kiss me but I turned my head. "Well I imagined that going different"

   "I know you did, but kissing won't fix our problem. We haven't even been together one full week and we can't get along. So I don't know what we're going to do, anymore." He talked around me and out my bedroom door. Then he turned back to me.

  "We might not get along and might not have wanted something like this, but we could have something. I know somethings there between us. You just need to give it a chance." He walked off with that.