Lifespan

1•

110 days, 01 hours, 01 minutes, 39...38...37 seconds.

I tugged my jumper down to cover the unsettling numbers. Whatever I tried to do to postpone my time here didn't seem to work. Doing good deeds in life was ineffective, trying to wash it off didn't work, and don't even get me started on the doctor's; they all thought I was crazy.

Walking through the desolate park I tried my hardest to remain content. The air was warm, and the beams of sunlight that shone through the few clouds in the sky were glowing on my skin. For a moment I forgot what it felt like to know when people were going to die. What it felt like to know when I was going to die.

As I looked up at the sky I could see birds flying above. They seemed quiet at first but soon their chirps came in both short and long bursts, bringing a small smile to my face. With each stride I took my mind became more clear, more calm. All I could hear were the birds calling to one another in that beautiful way they do, the songs coming from all around me, and all I could see in the distance was a wide expanse of grass, with straight gravelled paths lined with deciduous trees. It was peaceful.

Before long the peace was suddenly shattered by a child running and screaming with delight. I felt a lump in my throat as the little boy no older than seven ran passed me, whooping into the air, his read coat garish against the sombre park. He seemed so happy and full of life. If only he knew what I did.

23 days, 1 hour, 10 minutes, 5 seconds.

The numbers hovering above him as he ran ahead left a bad taste in my mouth. I could barely handle knowing when I was going to die, let alone knowing when a child was going to.

"Benjamin, don't run too far ahead, we need to get home for dinner!" Shouted a woman from behind me. I turned my head round slightly to catch a glimpse of her which I immediately regretted. She had porcelain skin which was ashen, almost anemic; and a slight cold sweat could be seen glistening on her forehead and recessed cheeks. Her eyes seemed dark, almost like they were desperately trying to cling onto the last bit of life. She also had hair so black, that against her white skin it contrasted to make her look all the more ghostly; all the more haunting, and her lips that I assumed used to be pink and soft, were now chapped and bleeding. She looked tired and sick.

She brushed past me to catch up with her child and I caught a glimpse of the numbers floating above her head.

23 days, 10 hours, 41 minutes, 13 seconds.

Tears suddenly blinded me and I turned, running as fast as my legs would carry me, bolting down the path like an Olympic champion at the start gun; quickening my pace to an all out sprint. The pounding noise of my shoes against the ground matched the drumming of my heart, followed by the pit of grief and fear I felt as I ran.

It all sat on me like a pillow over my mouth and nose. Just enough air getting by it, allowing my body to keep functioning, but crippling all the same.

I'd been able to see people's life spans for thirteen years; since I was five. The first time I experienced it was with my mom's best friend Helena. I remember going up to her and saying she has only ten days left to live. My mom was furious, but she just laughed it off.

In ten days she was dead.

As I reached the edge of the park I looked down below me at a stretch of sand accompanied by a vast sea. Bending down, I slipped my shoes off closely followed by my socks. I slipped them inside my shoes and lowered myself onto the sand, my bare feet sunk into it as I started to walk along the shoreline, the sand shaping itself around my feet as I went.

The water seemed gentle as I looked ahead, the sky slowly changing to hues of orange, and then almost tangerine. It merged with the sky like juice-mix dissolving in a glass of water. The clouds were like cotton candy, as though they blushed at the warm touch of the sun. I could see the silhouettes of birds flying home across the sky that was now magenta; and the sun was half into the water, but it's reflection in the sea made it look complete.

With tears streaming down my face, I could do nothing but sit cross-legged on the sandy shore and stare at the beauty unfolding in front of me. Waves of deep royal blue crept towards me before running away, only to repeat the process in a cycle that caused droplets of salty water to spray onto my bare, sand-encrusted feet.

It all seemed so peaceful as I sat there, the waves and birds being the only form of noise. Looking around me I began to pick up rocks that seemed heavy enough to weigh me down. As I stuffed every available pocket I had with rocks I stood up, already feeling them weighing me down; but I still wasn't scared.

Walking into the water a cold shock shot up my legs and caused me to shiver. The coldness of the sea would be enough for anyone to turn away; but I kept walking forward.

109 days, 22 hours, 45 minutes, 10 seconds.

I refused to let the time define how long I had left to live.

109 days, 22 hours, 44 minutes, 50 seconds.

I was finally ready.

As my head went under the water I expected to come back up, but to my relief the rocks kept me down. Darkness slowly begun to envelope me, the water closing in all around me. I held my breath as long as I could, too long in fact. Red and black splotches danced in front of me and the coldness I had felt upon entering the water was completely gone.

Before long a desperate hot wave came over me, warming my frosted toes. My heart was beating rapidly in panic, the urgency for air becoming more apparent than ever. Soon there were no longer red blotches in my field of vision. It was all black.

I'd finally let the darkness surround me. I was finally free.