The pleasure of touch

kazana

                                      Kazana

      

  When my mother died, I felt like that was the end. I went to school the day after she died and just cried and talked to my friends. I was not as if they could do anything to ease the pain it was just I felt safe having people to talk to that would actually listen. One kid I guess was trying to be funny or really did not hear what happened to my mother had the guts to ask me the most stupid question I ever heard. He asked me why I was crying.

 I could not think of a good comeback so I just said it plain and simple. My mother died yesterday and I was not there when she said her last word. He just stared at me blankly and said, “Oh, damn I didn’t know” I wanted to just yell at the top of my lungs and just make everything stop. I wanted to throw a fit every time someone said everything will be all right or everything will get better.

 It made me feel like my feelings did not matter. Then after the funeral about 3 months later, my aunt kicked me out. What does that look like a 13-year-old girl on the streets because no one wanted her? I was lucky to have my best friend she took me in and made sure I was safe. It was the happiest moment of my life. Everyone thought I would be some kind of wild child who would be running the streets. However, I proved them wrong I finished the 8th grade and went on to high school. I ranked number 4 in my class.

Sitting in that room full of faces, the only face I could not look at was my former friend. She said so many things to me I was afraid if I said anything to her I would go off as I did previously when my ex told me he was moving away. I thought it would not be hard to keep a long distance relationship but I was wrong. I did not know he was already gone and even though it hurts that I do not have him around I know he is in a better city right about now.