Letting Go

When I run, I let everything out. Anger, sadness, stress, bad grade, everything. With the stress of having to after 4 kids, my mom and me, Running is the only way to let everything go. I usually don't get much time off, but when I do, I go for a long run.

As I jog into our small, crumbling house, Mom was yelling at Annie. "Go change into something appropriate or stay in your room!"

Annie looked at Mom, scowling. "Why should I listen to you? You're never home. All you do is waste the money we earn and go out to drink. Not caring if we get dinner."

"You better respect me, Annalea, I am your mother." Mom is on the verge of tears.

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen, with his batman underwear on his head.

"Look, Ray, I'm batman!"

I smiled at my brother, with deep affection. I ran to grab a shower and made dinner while Mom goes to the bar. Rissy was sitting on her bed when I walked in, after my shower. Annie was at our desk doing homework.

After dinner, I ran to work as quick as I could.

"Ray! Quick, Boss is on his way!" My best friend, Ariana hissed at me from her cashier register beside me.

I tie my apron and smile happily at the people who started to pile up in my line.

"In the knick of time," Boss Rogers laughed with his smooth British accent.

"Sorry, Boss." I don't look up at him.

By the end of my work hours, I made 33.75 dollars. Even with that money, the money spent at the bar by Mom would be too high, making me, Rissy, Annie and Rick work harder than ever to earn that money back. With Rissy being 15, Annie 14 and Rick 13, there wasn't many jobs they could get.

"Annie! Stop swearing in front of Johnny! He's only a little boy!" Rissy shrieked, while Annie kept cursing.

"Annie! Shut up!" I yelled, tired from three hours of work and a full day of school.

Johnny looked at me in awe.

He tugged on my shirt, "Don't use that word! Teacher said it's not nice."

I looked guiltily at Johnny and ran up the stairs to my room.

¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

"Ray, wake up, your shift starts in fifteen." Rick pulled my covers off me, as every annoying brother does.

I looked up groggily and groaned.

I grabbed my backpack, changed and ran to work, to make me just in time for my 4:30 shift. Ariana passed me a croissant and gave me a look. Even if she had the same shifts as me, Ariana was an only child, with two loving parents, so she had no chores except recycling on Wednesdays. Sadly, in three months, when Ariana goes off too California for university, I will be staying in Victoria because of my mom and siblings even with the scholarships I have been offered.

I swept the whole store and waited to sell goodies at the bakery, the only stuff people buy in the morning.

¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

I ran home from my late shift and made lunches for everyone.

"I need money for tomorrow." Annie said, not looking up from the phone her friend gave her. Annies iPhone 5s was given to her as a hand me down from the flip phone she used to have.

"Why?"

"Lunch." Annie replied, as if wondering, what else would it be for.

"I'm making you lunch." I reply calmly.

"My friends and I want to go out to eat."

"Use your allowance, we don't have money for buying lunch."

"Fine!" Annie stomped to our room and slammed the door.

Mom dragged in, drunk from going to the bar after dinner.

"Why is the brat mad?" Mom asked, her voice sluggish.

"Mom, thats your daughter, don't call her a brat and because I couldn't give her money for tomorrow."

"Brat," Mom mumbled under her breath.

I was getting sick of this madness. After five years of not hanging out with friends and taking care of the family by making money and sticking up for them. I couldn't handle another year. I am like a teenage mother when all I am is their big sister. In the blur of thinking, I didn't notice the wet droplets of water gathering at my eyes.

"Don't be such a baby, Ray!" I muttered under my breath.

All of a sudden I heard Rissy yell at Mom.

"You spent all our savings! Every penny we have! Look at the loan we have and the bank books! We have nothing! Nothing!"

I ran downstairs and checked to see if Rissy was telling the truth.

Crap, she was. I ran out the door, slamming it behind me.

¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

I ran along the beach, thinking. Today was the day I geared for battle. The battle against my Mom. I was pushed past the breaking point. I had enough. I can't handle four kids, my mom, my school work, work, friends and myself. When I had my words ready and mouth set, I ran home and took a shallow breath. You can do this Ray.

"Mom, where are you?" I asked into the dark kitchen.

"Kitchen table."

I stood by the table and let my breath out.

"Mom, as much as it pains me to say this, I need to. I can't take care of our family anymore, I started too young and I am tired, I have no time for friends, I work too much, I'm tired and I want to get a degree in teaching..." I glance a my trembling fingers.

"You do nothing compared to what I do!" Mom raged.

"Mom, I love you and Johnny and Rick and Rissy and Annie but I can't handle taking care of everything...you spend all our money on alcohol and curse at Johnny. I have been the mother hen while you're doing what I'm supposed to be able to do, having fun, wasting my life, enjoying life while it lasts, not caring, but I got stuck with my tiring life, and I have been pushed past my breaking point. I am so sorry and I love you all so much and I will visit every chance I get, but I am going to take the scholarship I got. For running and academics...I love you....bye..." I kiss Mom on the cheek, while she glared at me.

She looked as if she wanted to do something to me...