Not Mine To Lose (A Scomiche fanfic)

Just A Warm Body

I flipped on the light and stared at Scott. He stood motionless in the middle of the room. I started to approach him slowly, as I got closer I could hear that he had started crying again. I cautiously placed a hand on his shoulder, having no idea what to say or what to do. I had never been in this situation. I wanted to tell him that not all guys are assholes like Alex. That one day he would forget that he had ever felt this pain. That he'll one day meet a man who will love him for him and will treat him with respect. That there were so many men in the world who would be willing to do that. Men like me. 

I couldn't tell him though, there was no point. Scott couldn't see it on a normal day, let alone on a day where he was left traumatized and heartbroken. I loved him too much to let him continue feeling like shit, but I also had to give him his time to be sad. I can't expect him to see all of these things right now. 

He reached over his shoulder and grabbed my hand, turned around and squeezed it gently. His eyes met mine and I suddenly felt sparks shoot off all through my body. They seemed to beg for sympathy as they still carried a stray tear. I could just feel his pain. The pain of having all you knew, loved, and were used to for the past two year just stripped from you in an instant. Without any warning. 

He was lost, like he didn't know what to do next without Alex superglued to his hip. It was as if he completely lost his purpose. I pulled him into me and my arms tightly wrapped around his waist. I rested my head on his chest, and started to caress his back lightly.  He lowered his head to my shoulder, returned my embrace and proceeded to continue his quiet sobbing. 

"Mitch, it hurts so bad!" 

My heart sank to my gut. There are so many things I wish I could say. I wish I could say that I know exactly how he felt. I wish I could tell him that the pain is only temporary and that it'll get better. I can't say that though. Because the pain I felt when Scott didn't look at me the way I looked at him, or when I had to watch him and Alex being all cutsie together. That pain, could never possibly compare to what he must be feeling right now. 

I continued to rub his back and just quietly mumbled: "I know, I know." Over and over again. I had no idea what else I was supposed to say. For the first time in my entire life, I was at a complete loss for words. 

"I feel like I lost everything." 

At the sound of those words, my heart broke into a million pieces. Since when was I nothing? When did I become nobody? Who was there for him when he was sad and alone? Who stayed up with him night after night talking? Who shared his tears? Who nursed him back to health when he got violently ill after drinking too much? 

It took every fiber of my being to not want to trump his heartbreak with my own. He says I'm his best friend, he says he notices all I do for him, but Alex is everything. I see. 

I'm nothing but a warm body. Just warm flesh being wrapped around his body, at his lowest moment. I'm nothing but the feeling of being held for him. 

I held back my saddness and continued rubbing his back. 

"That's not true, you still have me, and always will. I'm not going anywhere." 

Scott lifted his head and looked me, sparks shooting off through my body once more. 

"You mean that?" He asks, between quiet sobs. 

"Of course I do." I framed his face in my hands and pushed his hair away from his eyes. He smiled a sheepish smile and grabbed on to my hand that rested comfortably on his left cheek.

"Thank you."  He pulled my hand down to his side and led me to his bed. I suddenly became confused by his words. 

"Scott, please don't thank me, I didn't do anything." 

"You were there, I may not have noticed it all the time, but you were there." 

"I had to be. When you were sad, drunk, whatever, you needed somebody. Alex deffinetly wasn't ever planning on being that somebody, so I figured I'd be. You are my best friemd after all." 

His face fell, and he thre himself backwards onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. Shit. I said Alex didn't I? What an asshole I am. He was probably just forgetting about him, and I have to go and make it all rush back to him. I immeadetly wished I could take it back. 

After what felt like an entermity of silence, Scott spoke. 

"Mitch, do you believe in epihanies?" You mean an ephinany like the one I had the night we got drunk, sang Beyonce' songs, and I realized how in love with you I was?

"Yeah. Do you?" I layed myself down next to him. He didn't say anything for a few minutes, then turned to look at me, and let out a sigh. 

"I have to. I just had one." 

"Whatdoya mean?" I asked, scooting closer to his side. 

"You're right. Alex never was or was ever planning to be that person. He was just with me for my body, he was always asking me to have sex, or make out, he never just wanted to cuddle or something. What he did tonight... it shouldn't have come as a surprise to me, but I was so damn blinded by love... " his voice trailed off, and he sat back up and turned himself away. 

"But you...you were there, you cared. You never left my side. Even when I was a complete dick to you. I mean God, I locked you out tonight because Alex told me to. I sided with my boyfriend over my best friend. What the fuck kind of best friend does that? You're so... you're so..." He was becoming frustrated with himself and couldn't get the words out. I stood up and walked in front of him. I knelt down, and placed my hands on his knees. 

"I'm so what Scott?" I asked, already getting a slight feeling of what he was gonna say next. 

He looked down at his lap to where my hands were placed, then up at me. 

"You're so amazing, and wonderful, and sweet, and I think I'm... " He again couldn't get out the words. My heart began pounding out of my chest, I couldn't believe what he was saying. Was he really realizing that he loved me back? 

I framed his face in my hands once more, crahing my lips into his, then pulling away quickly. 

"It's okay, you don't have to say it." My voice began to shake. He kissed me back, and started shaking his head furiously, his voice also shaking. 

"I am though, just know that." He said finally. 

"I do." I replied, getting up to turn off the lights. he grabbed my hand to stop me. 

I looked at him quizzcally, arching an eyebrow.  He took my other hand in his and placed it on his heart, which was pounding as hard as mine. 

"Scott your heart.." I quivered. He led my hands, taking off his shirt, than his shorts, and finally his briefs. 

"I really don't want to be alone tonight." His voice didn't shake this time, he looked me dead in the eyes. I now lead his hands, making him remove all my clothing as well.  He layed back down on the bed, pulling me with him, so I was now hovering over his naked body.  I tried to not let my voice shake as I leaned down to whisper in his ear. 

"You don't have to be."

A/N: I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG! I started writing this,  then I got writer's block, then I got busy with school and stuff, but yeah! I will try to update at least once a week! Thanks for the support! 

-Lexi