I'm always hoping that one day Sarah would realize that the man whom he really need was me. that even thou I’m not the perfect prince charming she always wanted, I’ll always be there for her no matter what happen and I’ll never let her tears hit the floor and get wasted. But the problem is, she couldn’t see me because she’s inlove with someone else and that someone else is my bestfriend. Crazy right? Before we get somewhere else, I’m Eric by the way… The stupidest genius… :3
Sometimes how I wish I were Albert (my bestfriend), handsome, jocky & ridiculously good in playing guitar. Somehow like a romantic boyfriend material and some girls says that just a sight from him from afar is a blessing (literally). I couldn’tcount how many girlfriends he already had but what can I say? He was born hearthrob. I don’t even remember why we became bestfriends, maybe because I’m good in academics but terrible in bullies. He seems nice just because he needed me to in order for him to graduate and I needed him to stay alive or just survival purposes…
Awkward when you get into a crazy situation wherein you expect no one would care. This is the part of my life where Sarah made a big difference, she enters my life without any hesitations like the idea that I’m just a nerd. She is an angel sent from above with the loveliest face I could ever imagine. It’s kind a funny but because of my stupidity, I met her…
It was september and the rain falls seems never ending where I tried to cross the street without noticing that the stoplight is in a go signal. A car was fastly approaching and sadly I was hit but not seriously, I only got minor bruises. Inspite the fact that I couldn’t imagine my face that time, she’s the only one person tried to pick me up and help me to get to the school clinic as soon as she can. We don’t even know each other yet but she seems to care a lot and I know I’m a little bit assuming when I tell you this, I think we were meant to be? Hahaha, and I don’t know, we instantly became friends after that incident.
And that was the best stupid thing I ever made in my life…
After school, we always hangout until such time came when he also met Albert and the three of us became close. I always fetch her before and after school and we ussually do crazy things together like sitting beside the street while eating icecream and constantly count every single vehicle passing back and forth. She always tells me a lot of stories and all about her life, how she is in about romantic love stories & fairy tales which I couldn’t relate but still, I listened. The time when we took off our shoes and run randomly in your neighborhood while it’s raining, even thou we look stupid, I’m glad because we were stupid together and nothing seems to matter anymore…
I never thought that I’m going to get such feelings but I think I’m falling for her. The way she holds my hand and lay her head in my shoulder everytime she falls asleep, goosebumps is all around me and I thought that I’m the luckiest guy on earth because I have her but I don’t know how am I suppose to tell her how much I feel until she told me she wanted to talk to me privately because she wants to tell me something. No one can explain the joy I feel when I thought that she feels the same way but reality again strikes. What she told was “Albert was courting me and I like him also”. I laugh just to hide the pain and told her “that’s great, you’ll make a perfect couple and I’m very mcuh happy for the both of you…” . I’m her friend and he is my bestfriend, I should be glad so that they wouldn’t notice that I’m crying inside, what a gay…
I miss the old days, the icecreams, the cars & the rain. I suddenly hit myself and yell “dude, wake up! Grow up! What makes you think you deserve her? You’re just a stupid nerd!”. She couldn’t even say hi or just text me if how I was doing after all we’ve been through, so much for expectations. That’s why I acted I didn’t care, I live my life before I met her so can I now. But why this tears keep falling, I’m a man, it isn’t appropriate for me to cry. Sometimes how I wish I never shouldn’t let her go but what do I have that would please her tp choose me and not him. I kept silent for so long but secretly, I’m still loving her…
I’m not surprise when I caught Albert with another girl that’s why I called her and ask “how are you doing with albert?” She told me all the things we used to do and they did it as well and happy she is with him, ouch! I wanted to slap her and tell her “I love you and he doesn’t deserve you, he’s an asshole and he is cheating on you right now so please be mine?” but the again I remembered, I don’t deserve her as well because I wasn’t good enough so I didn’t. How can I break her heart if she seems so positive and I don’t know how to break this things I see gently. It’s true, she’s happy and I should also be happy for her inspite she’s loving the wrong person and even how much effort and time I give, just one Hi from albert and it’s all nonesense for her. But I love her, so I stayed stupid…
I don’t know if I should be glad or guilty when they broke up because finally she caught him cheating and here I’m again, the noble comfort and the best rebound she’ll ever had and yes, I’m ready to stupid again. But this time it will be different , I wouldn’t give her my full attention because now I know, she will never be mine until that same incident came. It’s hard when I’ve realize that I’m going to lose her with the same reason as I met her…
We’re about to go home that time when we went to the bus stop. I wanted to surprise her with an icecream treat so I ran across the street just to buy in our favorite store. With the stupidity I have, I went across back without noticing that the stop light is in a go signal. I was smiling with my earphones on as I look at her confused. I didn’t heard she was screaming and ran across the street and while I was absently minded, she push me off the street... That’s why she is the one hit by the bus…
I was speechless and shaking but I took her to the nearest hospital like she did for me. She was in coma and the doctor said that her heart had an internal bleeding and only the machine was keeping her alive. Albert and all the person I know hated me for what happened and blame it all to my stupidity. So, a stupid person gonna do what a stupid person do, I want to donate my heart but the doctor said that only a person who’s also in a coma could donate so I did the thing that possibly done by a person who’s inlove. What I’ve done is I wrote a note beside my bed with the story and letter telling how much I love Sarah and wishing everyone forgiveness for my stupidity. Now I’m planning to drug myself which I research that if certain drugs were combined, it could cause nervous system breakdown. That was the smartest thing I did my whole life!
So what ever happens and if you could read this, tell Sarah that she’s the reason why I kept on breathing every single day of my life, I’m bless when our road cross and I’m only giving her the life she once saved and I hope she find the prince charming she always wanted, the one who wouldn’t let her cry and love her for the rest of her life. I love her but I couldn’t tell her because I’m stupid and I know I don’t worth her but I’m glad she entered my messed up life and somehow gave me reasons to still go on. I wanted to do something good in my miserable life that’s why I wanted to be her saviour even just for a while. I was never alive until the day she cared for me and I always remember all those stupid things we did I promise I always gonna watch her from above and guide her everytime she cross a street. Sarah, I want you to know that I did this just to show you my love & gratitude… I always loved you Sarah even in the last breath I breathe I’ll prove it but it’s to late…
I love you even I have love you stupidly…
